I hate you... but i'm still listening

Its not me, anymore.

2010-11-07T23:51:00.002+08:00

I rushed home, just to find that there was nothing there for me anymore...

If only they could see, they would understand...

2010-10-26T17:16:00.002+08:00

It was 25th of october, it was the start of something great in your life! Woke up for work at 5AM, was jolt awake by the constant need to start something meaning in my life? Work was at 6.15AM. It was totally slack at first and what I did not anticipate was that this is soon gonna be one of the worst shift I will remember for a long long time. Just an hour before my shift ends the crowd came in and it was really beyond me to handle. Honestly, I couldn't handled it. Three cashier and Just me alone handling the Cold and bar drinks. Orders kept piling up before me and for a moment I couldn't see what was before me, It was like a whiteout? HAHA! It was really tiring and there was this old little fat "female dog" who was being a douche bag! Shall not elaborate what she did! But all in all it was hectic like mad?

I kinda miss my little Witch but knowing she's well on her way to freedom makes me feel kinda glad that I'm really busy too, at least she's not struggling alone? Anyway I'm going for class soon, Hope my friend's won't be an ass because I've marked out some drinks for them. HAHA! Damn, today's busy!

Today is 26th of October, the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was that in one months time I'll be another year old, and well they always say that time flies when you're having a good time?? But what they didn't tell you is that time flies when you're too busy fending off problems in your life, You kinda lose track of time and soon you find yourself one shy away from being jaded.

Anyway, today was better, manage to talk to my dear Cindy about what happen yesterday, she said she'd sort everything out for me. And that yesterday's bad attitude was all because of the anxiety brought forth by the busy/crazy crowd.

It's 10mins to class and like what Chris Martin always say: "I'm missing my baby"

Honestly, sometimes I wonder what brings two people of different interest, background and life together.? It's times like these that I am reminded of the special bond we both share, like it or not rain of shine it's here and it's here to last, Doesn't that scares you, No? HAHA! :P

Sometimes I like to imagine, make things up a little? I suppose that's how I get through all my problems thus far, It's not a form of denial! It's just another way way of coping with the constant pressure that life sets on you, Yup.

HAHA! Cindy just smiled at me, I shall forget what she did to me yesterday! :D

I'll Miss you, I definitely will!

Signing off,

Love always, Joshua!

The End of an Anchor

2010-10-23T03:11:00.003+08:00

Sometimes once we got hold of something precious we kinda take things for granted. It may be a mere neglecting of the other party or just simple issues like keeping each in each other's life. I must say, I have failed badly. I guess I got carried away by all the problems in my life, the worst time of my life is here and all I can see is how huge the problem ahead lies and I forgot to appreciate the best things in my life which in You. I am sorry, I truly am... I've learnt so much from you but I need some time to figure this whole life out, It seems that problems will always somehow find it's way to me... When money wasn't THE issue, I seems to be less uptight, but these days it's hard to hold on because of all the waves that had been crashing my shore.

My strength was like a rock on the sandy shore, when I first came to you I was that rock that you could count on but now waves after waves of sadness and disappointment, that rock has become mere sand blending in with the shore. I'm at ground bottom of my life and I cannot lose you, I simply cannot... You're the reason I am trying so hard to carry on and move to a better place of my life. I see the connection between being okay and being the best that you can have and I must say, it's just a very bad time for me; maybe I need you, maybe all I need is security.

I grew up from a life that things were here today doesn't mean they'll be there tomorrow, uncertainty every single turn in my life and when I found you, finally a normal life and you can see why I can never lose someone so precious as you... I am sorry, and If I can turn back time, I would, If I could undo the things I do, I would, I definitely would but now it's too late and I can only move on to see if things will get better tomorrow.

But right now it seems to me that there is not much to say anymore, I just have to slow down and try to work my way out of this life...

I hope you'd still be there when I'm done fighting...

Love always, Joshua.

The End of an Anchor

I was away for a while
But I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me
But I don't deserve it

I'll cherish it well if you give me
One of your new starts
Just one more last chance
I swear that I'll earn it
If you front me for now

I'm good for it I swear
I'm better now I swear

In earlier days
They'd persecute people
They'd carry them off
And hobble their legs
For lesser offences
Than how I have harmed you
But still you allow me
To walk free of pain
Though I punish myself
I will never settle
The debts I've incurred
For scorning the face
Of absolute beauty
And measureless grace
And though I once mocked you
I'm dying to pay for it now.
I'm dying to pay for it now.

So hand me the rocks
To help weigh me down
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound to the
End of an anchor
Thrown in to the sound
And test me to see
If I
Will rise
Against
The worst
That it
Can get.

I wasn't well for a while
I savor the things that I knew
Were sure to destroy me
And that seemed to hold me
That seemed to carry me where I couldn't go
On the strength of my own
But I should've known
That that gets me nowhere
I've learned that now I swear

I earlier days
They'd persecute people
They'd carry them off
And hobble their legs
For lesser offences
Than how I have harmed you
But still you allow me
To walk free of pain
Though I punish myself
I will never settle
The debts I've incurred
For scorning the face
Of absolute beauty
And measureless grace
And though I once mocked you
I'm dying to pay for it now.
I'm dying to pay for it now
Now
Now

So hand me the rocks
To help weigh me down
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound
To the end of an anchor
Thrown in to the sound
And test me to see
If I
Will rise
Against
The worst
That it
Can get.

Well I wasn't sure that I could
Well I wasn't sure that I could
Well I wasn't sure that I could
But I can.

Embracing Change

2010-10-04T01:00:00.005+08:00

It's been a long time since I last talk to myself in this small little space? A lot has been happening in my life lately, Its getting kinda old to drag everything out all at once and talk about it.

Anyway, this is a change of blogskin to signify the entrance of a new phase in my life. I'm not sure if everything's gonna be fine but It worked out pretty fine so far. (: So yeah, this is me after so long!

Shall blog about more when I'm less jaded(:

Goodnight, World. You insidious bastard! HAHA!

2010-08-29T01:16:00.002+08:00

I don't understand, I still can't fully comprehend.

Is it too much, or just too little. Confused.

Poke a hole, In my logic.

Poke a logic in my curiosity Won't you?

2010-08-04T03:38:00.004+08:00

Dear Diary,

Looking at you falling asleep in my arms, I wonder what are you dreaming tonight? Will it be another dreaded adventure that you embark on or will it be a peaceful sleep that you need so much tonight.

I must say, looking at you. Its a adorable sight to see the one that was so active and assertive now being so still and quiet in the midst of her rest just makes me smile so widely I don't wanna be anywhere but here.

Though I'm here and you're some distant away from home, You know that I'll always be around for you, I'll always be around to see you through the dullest days or walk down the line with you one way or another... we'll pull through! So Thank God for you, really.

See the note, Put your finger through the hole and poke a logic in my Curiosity won't you? and I hope your day will be filled with smile belongs to no one but your own! (:

GoodNightt, Crazy world!

2010-07-29T21:35:00.000+08:00

Emancipation...

2010-07-26T17:15:00.001+08:00

"you asked me, "What do you see when you look at me"

And it starts from here my dear...

Most definitely,

2010-07-22T01:56:00.001+08:00

If you've a lesson to teach me,
I'm listening, ready to learn...

There's no one here to police me,
I'm sinking in, until you return...

If you've a lesson to teach me,
Don't deviate, don't be afraid...

Without the last corner piece I can't calibrate,
Let's get it ingrained...

Luee luee looo, I've got some apples, Luee luee loo, You're got some too!

2010-07-18T05:08:00.009+08:00

If suppose, I refuse to conform to what I think will be good for me when clearly my heart tells me that its not, will I be doing myself a favor or am I missing out in the very fine details of life?

Or am I just splitting hair?

Day and night, I rush just to halt and then halt just to rush again? I forgot that I was suppose to be living not built my days upon the task and responsibility that were thrown to me, I really forgot that I should be at least at peace with myself.

So amidst of all these I refuse to be at peace, I resort to being a recluse. So am I doing myself a favor or am I losing out?

Because I can't tell, I know I should be at least happy, But I can't bring myself to conform to a normal life, without its little dramas or at least my heart tells me that Its not a normal life that I needed. So here I am, Losing out or just being myself?

HAHA! I like to think of me being myself? This is me, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Whew, Was getting confusing there... :D

wanted to upload this picture of a beautiful skies that I've seen in the past months, But being myself, forgetful and all I left it in my car, SO I shall leave it to the next post then, (:

All in all, what I wanna say is that...

It feels weird being myself, But IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!! YEAH!

Just wanna show you this! It made me smile everytime I think of that SMS. (:

"When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, Oh I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, Stand by me..."

SMILE!

2010-07-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

Time for the final bow...

Spins this crazy world around, till you make some sense out of it?

2010-07-13T23:02:00.010+08:00

The difference between a man who has everything, and the other who has nothing is that one that has everything has Faith and Hopes.

I thought last night's prayer were something to be meant?

Faith and hope are like freedom, Its the mastery of the known.

But...

I'm locked down alright, no freedom, Time was never on my side, no hope just a little faith... I am lost for words to tell her, But who am I to carry on speaking? If this was suppose to change me to be a better man or anything, then I hope it'd do its part to made me who I am when I am with you, free. Because I fear I am beginning to lose myself. Just tell me, what do you want from me?

and I happen to be that man who has everything...

I just miss everything about her right now...

Baby -Justin.B

You know you love me
I know you care
Just shout whenever, and I'll be there
You want my love, you want my heart
And we will never ever ever be apart

Baby, baby, baby (ohhh)
Like Baby, baby, baby (noo)
Like baby, baby, baby (ohh)
Thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby (ohhh)
Like Baby, baby, baby (noo)
Like baby, baby, baby (ohh)
Thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Oh, for you, I would've done whatever

And I wanna play it cool, but I'm losing you
I'll buy you anything, I'll buy you any ring
And I'm in pieces, baby fix me
And just shake me 'till you wake me from this bad dream
I'm going down, down, down, down

WARNING SIGN

2010-07-07T02:06:00.002+08:00

Its 2:06AM, Head's Hurting like mad!

Goodnight, Stupid WORLD!

F.O

2010-07-04T01:19:00.004+08:00

There's a picture of myself in my younger days snack between a glass panel and my table displaying a smile that seems both foreign and familiar to me. I thought to myself, "well, at least I was happy" I use to have days when I am sad or down I would go out to a place and just sit there for hours just facing the express way chasing cars with my eyes letting my thoughts just unwind and then on the walk back home all my troubles would just disappear.

That was, when I was younger. I can't say that I hate being my "older" self, I suppose I learnt so much more than anyone else because of my shenanigans that I've well incurred in my teenage years. I don't really want to be like how I use to be, but I envy the smile of that boy that lies still underneath that glass.

I mean, everyone's searching for something in their life, or rather the ought to be, but the sad truth is even if you know what you're looking for, you might not really find it at the end of that tunnel, or maybe I was in the wrong tunnel?

I don't know why, Its just so hard to be alright these days, waves after waves of problems crashing over me, I try to look away from the pain and instead cast my gaze upon Jesus but nothing seems to be working out for me,

So I wonder why?, why, give me both faith and pain at the same time, why joy amidst of all my insatiable hungry to swear at you God, why grant me both Peace and trauma at the same time? Why? I rather be someone whom fall to his deepest pit than to be holding on to the best of me when I'm suffering.

He said to me, remember all the promise that God had gave you from the very start... God knows how I feel about his promise, there's just too many "buts" and "why" in this conversation to start with.

So I took a deep breath and plunge into the deepest pit and still I'm not yet there, maybe... just maybe God will save me before I crash and shatter into shards of pathetic little fragments of my self-confidence.... Goodnight!

HAHAHA! damn emo!!! :D HAHAH! GOSH! What a RANT, Josh! HAHAH! Alright! Goodnight!

Exogenesis Symphony

2010-07-02T22:17:00.004+08:00

I am So Busy, Busy. I wish I could have more time, more time to spend with you on the sea, but pity that the rain won't stop for us tonight, so I'm just laying here thinking about you, and your smile, Miss you so much...

Hope you're having fun and enjoying yourself out there in the dancing rain tonight, *Smile*

Yeah... Sweeps Shoulders

2010-06-30T01:28:00.005+08:00

What a Fucking Pathetic day for JOSHUA!

First he ate Cheese clamped between two moldy bread and only realize it when his mouth was filled with a bitter sweet symphony.

Then, to wash down the bitter taste he gulps down a bottle of water full of dead ants(pretty much explains why I'll always hate ants)

And the rest of my day, just got way the fuck worst... Not gonna rant it here though but well, Thats just how It's going to go down with me.

On a lighter note...

I just wanna Thank God though... With so many shit happening around me, he blessed me with a pretty awesome day with my friends. Chuan and Yong,

I guess when shit happens, you just want people to be there for you and understand, Its not whether at the end of the day you get a thank you, or something in return... I suppose you're just glad that you could be around for them... Yeah, *Sweeps Shoulders*

Goodnightt, Goodnight to the midnight skies, with the clouds so blur you can't see the moon and when everything else fades away you just wonder what you've been missing out all along, all along...

Yeah, I'll have a Cross, preferably without that little guy on it.

2010-06-28T03:01:00.002+08:00

What the shit am I doing, I should be asleep?

AH... SCHOOL! YES! Yeah! totally having school tomorrow! Later... Or rather.

Mt Doom

2010-06-26T05:40:00.005+08:00

Hi!

Okay, So apparently school's starting in less than fifty hours for ME? Some of the things I would like to be doing before the holiday ends:

1. Revamp my room
2. Clear my study Table
3. Cut my hair
4. Sweep my room?

HAHAH! Yeah, with the amount of time I have left till monday morning? I suppose things are probably going to go down like this:

1. Sleep
2. Eat
3. Sleep
4. Wake up go school.

Yeah?! But yeah! Revamping my ROOM, Keeping my fingers cross for this one. Anyways, I realized that our NYP student will be having test once school reopens? Seriously, my heart goes out to them? People like Aik Choo, Joyce, and Anson who's all piled up with project?

Someone posted this picture on Facebook,

After seeing this, I was like "Wow! I say to myself, Doesn't that just makes you wanna study harder JOSH?" HAHAH! Well, If you know what I mean? HAHAHA! But seriously, All the best to the people who are studying hard now? And yeah! Be strong, Be safe and I'll be joining you guys very very shortly. *Smile*

Ciao!

Porno, Music / Comment time? Hilarious!

2010-06-25T01:01:00.004+08:00

Hi!

You see, It's been an awful long time since I last update? I guess I've been caught up with trying to try to rest this holiday? :P Anyways, It's been a a.u awesome break for me, get to spend loads of time with my Family, Brother and Awesome people like Jun Wei and Eugene Chan, Wei Xiang, Nathan and Jevon. And Of course not forgetting My Witch. You know who you are, So yeah! Went to the beach and have a hell of a time swimming in the oily sea? As soon as I saw the vast sea of EAST coast? I immediately dived into that turquoise bed! It was nice and the waves were there to remind me that I could actually swim?! HAHA!

So yeah, after a day out at the beach the sky decided to pour and yeah, we're all drench even before we could leave the beach but It was refreshing, I have to say, It was really cool to have such weather after you're all sun-burned and shit? HAHA! So yeah!

Had the best Dim Sum buffet in this whole month?! (Been having buffet ever so often.) Erm... Well, at least for the first thirty minutes it was the best buffet I have ever eaten? HAHAHA! the rest of that hour was spent in deep groaning as our stomachs were bloated and with the blistering pain it was just too much to handle? But it was all fun, all cool and stuff. The server just kept throwing food our way and for a long time I forget what it feels like to be hungry eh? :D Which was a rather foreign feeling until today when I spent my last dollar on something... well, its not important. The truth is I'm pretty broke and I just hope that nothing will crop up amongst my already existing pile of insidious problems.

Ah wells...

Anyway a big thanks to Chuan for the shirt from Taiwan, Yong for the great Bargain in Esprit and JW for sparing his precious "working professional" time for me this Term break and of course YOU!Yup, Youuuu! for always cracking me up with your really intensively hilarious etiquette and unexpected remarks! HAHHA! Never fail to make me laugh! Thanks!

I have had a great time, and with just three days left till school reopens I shall grab some well deserved rest for myself and yeah, Hopefully the results for all my test won't be as surprisingly bad as I want them to be? Yup!

Ciao!

Working Hard, Or Hardly Working?

2010-06-01T22:37:00.004+08:00

Anyway, I stumb upon some old blog post and I don't know why there's a certain mixed feeling deep inside me. Part of me am really glad that I've changed and grew so much as a person, the other part of me am petrified of a certain sentiment that once linger in the back of my mind.

Oh wells, I'm just glad that Its over, all these ashes laying in the grave.

Anyway, I'm working hard for my product design drawing and presentations, Its kinda tiring because inspirations and design don't just come in formulae and equations which is pretty much what I am trained to think. So am I working hard or hardly working now?

So much had happened recently, and I have come to a conclusion for myself, kinda like a mantra, but I don't think I'll share it on my blog anymore, its meant for myself and the rest to realize I guess? I reckon that insecurities will get the best of any man in the most insidious way even to a point that sometimes words itself are just not enough to explain its original intentions. Day by day I kept wishing, staring blankly into my dreams and yet I find no rest and slumber. So I listen to my failures as everything I ever am. I'm not down, I just got lost that all?

Anyway, this entry shall be a reminder that I've seen the worst of all of us and I will remember to take note of the past and thus shall my future be better off without these sentiments. HAHA!

I was sick for two whole days man, and the doctor was being a complete douchebag? He was rude and smelly, and had this STUCK face? He explain that I can't have my MC because I wasn't sick enough to have them, and if I was sick yesterday I should have came and see him for a MC? How many times must I explain dude? If I was well enough to see you, I would not even skip my class and see you? HA!

Just because I don't have fever anymore doesn't mean that I was pretending to be sick? I mean, its 16bucks just to see that douche face? I could have settle off with a huge treat to burger king to myself, I mean, seriously? HA! Anyway, that aside, I am losing precious study time due to my completely piled assignments laying in front of me. I need to finish them then can study in peace!

HAHA! I have so much to rant, but honestly, I believe point taken, lesson learnt, Ciao! (:

Nothing on you baby!

2010-05-25T00:13:00.002+08:00

Just had a super sweet weekend, Stumble upon this song! (: For you Miss Adorable!

"Everywhere i go i'm always hearing your name
and no matter where i'm at girl you make me wanna sing
Weather a bus or a plane or a car or a train
No other girls in my brain and you the one to blame"

My song is love...

2010-05-11T01:30:00.003+08:00

A troubled heart and a silent faith...

Nothing like a self deception to ease the night?

Thank God though... Every Morning I wake and I know whom and what I'm fighting for, all these struggles and trouble just fly me by because I know who I am and where I stand in you.

Goodnight stars, Goodnight Moon, Goodnight that little speck of hope that hangs on a thread all night long. Goodnight.

The Message - Coldplay

My song is love
Love to the loveless shown
And it goes up
You don't have to be alone

Your heavy heart
Is made of stone
And its so hard to see you clearly
You don't have to be on your own
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
Well I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
And I get that message home

My song is love
My song is love, unknown
And I'm on fire for you, clearly
You don't have to be alone
You don't have to be on your own

And I'm not gonna take it back
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that
You're the target that I'm aiming at
But I'm nothing on my own
Got to get that message home

And I'm not gonna stand and wait
Not gonna leave it until its much too late
On a platform I'm gonna stand and say
That I'm nothing on my own
And I love you, please come home

My song is love, is love unknown
And I've got to get that message home

I've been down, and I'm wondering why.

2010-05-06T00:23:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary, what is done cannot be undone. I should try to make the best out of my situation don't I? Because I keep having dreams about an insidious escapade and I woke up feeling a little empty and strange at the same time.

There's little black clouds following me everywhere I go, as I try to wear a sun on my smile, irony, irony... It strikes your skin like a red hot metal rod though its burning hot but the first sensation will always be cold, Irony.

I look around my life and I try to seek a balance between what's right and what's wrong. It seems unclear to me right now?

Maybe, a little mischief in the good and a little positive in the worst case scenario will make everything alright.

Sleep well, tonight Joshua. Because this will be the last time that I'll let you.

2010-05-01T23:50:00.000+08:00

iris - Goo goo dolls

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

2010-04-24T03:24:00.001+08:00

I miss you.

2010-04-20T00:51:00.002+08:00

Those who are dead, are not dead they're just living in your head

I looked up to the empty night skies asking the lord to take this all away from me, that kind of emptiness I see and the uncertainty that is stirling in my life, a moment everything is good and pleasant the next murphy's law kick in.

I feel like caving in to myself but things are almost too good for me now, I don't wanna let the fear take the wheel and steer but I am just so scare of the possibility of a greater trouble.

I owe it to myself and the very people who care for me, I really do but right now maybe I should just learn to get back up on my feet.

Lord, will I ever have a chance to get out of this vicious cycle that my parents and grandparents have pave for me?

I need to be strong... Goodnight!

Reflections

2010-04-14T01:19:00.003+08:00

If demoralize were to be put into words for me, I would have none to say. All I could feel is the utter distraught that follows me this entire day. It started out with a honest mistake and spiral down to the deepest pit of my life since my last stint as a law abiding citizen.

Its a blessing in disguise I would like to put it, and I know there is nothing that I could really do about it now. Just sadness and disappointment that follows me around...

Ever came across a day where everything you thought you knew about yourself were wrong and that somehow you realize you're not that strong of a person you thought you were? That was me when I was being pursue as a fugitive. Those man came at me like hungry vultures ready to devour whatever that is left in me leaving me with no where to run I stop at my step and surrender. I was lost, I know no one will be there for me this time, and I wish I could shout a simple Dad I'm scare, I am really scare and cling on to him like I use to when I was younger, But he too am running away thus leaving me to fend for myself. Its sad, and for the first time in years I wanted to cry like a child that has lost he's parents in the mall. Lonely and unprepared for what is to come.

I chose to sulk upon my mistake and drown myself in fear, walking under the rain brings me to a new heights of loneliness then I look forward to my later part of the day. To be honest, I was unsure about myself, my worth, my place, my name even. Then at the end of the road I saw a maiden slowly walking down the stairs as though the most beautiful image that I have seen in years, making the wait almost unbearable. And the next thing I know is that I was smiling ever so widely without even noticing it till I saw my own reflections in the mirror.

I thank God for everything, because I know that he holds everything and that everything, absolutely everything in my world. Never would I thought someone could save me from myself with just a smile and a simple I'm here for you, and to me that brings an awful lot of comfort in this dying rainy day. The word thank you soon begin to sink into my heart and I am once again reassured of my place in the hearts even though I know that the simple fact is that I am not perfect at all.

The laughter set me at ease, and for a moment I forgot all my problem and that I am just in a very peaceful place save in the arms of the one I love and at the moment I know that as long as I've got them, nothing could really be that bad?

Sometimes, when you're young everything seems like the end of the world, with this sentiments of my utter distraught I commit my worries and trouble to God whom I trust that he only wants the best for me... all I can say is that lesson learnt, point taken I shall rest my case and awaits for what is to come in the days ahead... for I know that somewhere out there there's always a pair of arms ready to take me in for whoever I am and whoever I am to become.

Thank you.

In my Place - Coldplay

In my place, in my place
were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost,
Oh yeah

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost,
Oh yeah

Yeah,
How long must you wait for it?
Yeah,
How long must you pay for it?
Yeah,
How long must you wait for it?
Oh for it

I was scared, I was scared
Tired and under prepared
But I'll wait for it

If you go, if you go
Leave me down here on my own
then I'll wait for you (yeah)

Yeah,
How long must you wait for it?
Yeah,
How long must you pay for it?
Yeah,
How long must you wait for it?
Oh for it.

Singing
Please, please, please
come back and sing to me
to me, me

Come on and sing it out,
Now, Now
Come on and sing it out,
To me, me
come back and sing

In my place, in my place
were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah
Oh yeah.......

Rush of Blood to the Head

2010-04-09T02:00:00.004+08:00

My room is as messy as my life, it doesn't seem to get any better. People walk in and out of it leaving their mess behind, and I could say that those mess don't even belong here?

There's so much I would want to say but I guess there's really no need to complain anymore. Maybe its time I stand up and be myself!

"Oh I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war. If you can tell me something worth fighting for"

Nevermind, I'm a man. I'll be just fine.

2010-04-06T02:06:00.002+08:00

I wanna do the things I wanna do...

I want a life I never had...

I want to be free...

I want to know myself again...

Maybe, It had to start with me?

It has always been that way.

My feelings are Tangent 90

2010-04-01T04:52:00.004+08:00

Sleepless tonight
Random thoughts of everything just falls onto my dreams
Like snow flakes melting at the point of contact
She's like the best thing that could happen to me
And I guess tonight I just miss her touch on my face
that smile that caused me sleepless nights
Because its just bliss

I fumbled with my words
I hardly think straight anymore
And she's the reason I wake up and know that it's a new day
of all the words that I failed to say
and all the places that I didn't go
I guess I just miss her eyes meeting mine under that sunshine

Brown eyes, you've got brown eyes she said
Made me feel special cause none other point that out
I kept dreaming up places that I could go with her
and I guess anyway is great with her around
I know I'm home

Sleepless tonight
Hop out of my bed and pen all these thoughts down
Because days are all so busy
Just afraid I'll forget to appreciate
forget to give thanks
and forget to cherish

Well, One thing for sure is that I'll always look out for you...

Yes I would.

Goodnightt, Goodnightt!

2010-03-27T05:41:00.001+08:00

Uninspired,

Talentless,

Unmotivated, Me...

NOT anymore... (:

So Maybe tomorrow

2010-03-13T12:54:00.000+08:00

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upperside of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe

I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I'll find my way home...

Microwaved Prayers

2010-03-12T01:58:00.004+08:00

Microwaved Prayers

I lift up my head and gaze upon the sunny skies
Trying to look for sign that my father in heaven is right there with me
I shuffle my feet around and find myself standing at a very good spot
Where my father has place me in

I ask him, Why is my prayer not being answer yet
He kept silent and smile
He lift out his hands and say take them
but there was nothing in his hands
What am I suppose to take?

He said, your life, your joy, your faith, your miracle
Take them

But Lord, there's nothing in your hands
I just want my prayer answered
He smile and said
No prayer can be microwaved into a reality
It takes faith and time to tell

Take them, take them... He said.
And as I step close to him, I then realize that
It was his hands that he wanted me to.

I'm sorry if I sounded Down on my previous post? They were mere expression of my teenage angst? HAHA! To be honest, I feel detached from everything around me, family and friends and God. I don't really know why? It seems like the harder I tried the harder it gets. I seek understanding from the people around me but I don't get any, even my closest friend Fred seems distant now.

I don't really know what God wants to do in my life right now, though he has been gracious to me thus far. But I have a feeling that I'm at a phase, or a season where I am bound to be lonely? So that all I could have, all I can count on is God himself.

I must learn how to praise him even when my world is silent and quiet. I need to learn to enjoy my faith because my father has promise me abundance of blessings from him. I need to learn to have him and only him in my heart. AMEN.

This post is dedicated to Edmond. Appreciate it, really do.

2010-03-11T04:05:00.002+08:00

The Owl, The Wizard, and Mr Charlie Chaplain.

2010-03-09T03:36:00.002+08:00

How I wish life is like the a movie with its predictable twist and all that cliche plot?

Maybe throw in a couple of happy endings for me?

2010-03-07T03:50:00.003+08:00

Was awaken by my father tonight, Talked about business and development of this shop. Sleepiness kicks in on and on like a old siren light flashing in my head luring me back to my bed. I cannot remember a time when I don't have to take on this kind of responsibility, something like a sweet childhood memory or something? It tiring? I mean, how many kids actually go around telling the parents how they should be running their career? I mean, there must be some but Its just something I have to live with and I have no hard feelings or whatsoever.

When I was standing there talking to my dad, a sudden gush of wind rushed in to the living room and there I was sitting there thinking of all the places I'd rather be in than here in the small room? HA. But I'll understand what all these space and time is for?

I was praying last night over at Janan's house. To be honest, its the first time I ever feel this lonely? I have great things in life, friends, family, sufficient cash and car(though its not mine) But there seems to be a hole inside me that keeps sucking all the joy away? I was praying, crying out to the lord if you must know. But it really seems to me that God was quiet for that moment. He did not say anything or at least It didn't feel like he wanted to say anything at that moment? But I guess the message is still clear to me, though he did not come to me in that great ray of light from heaven but somehow I know that I should be holding on to him at this very moment?

Well, it can pretty much be sum into this one verse.

1 John 3:1 (:

Goodnightt, Goodnightt, sleep tight tonight...

Counting down the days till I see your face again...

2010-03-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

Joshua...

And I'm watching you now
I see you building the castle with one hand
while tearing down another with the other - Me in You "Kings of Convenience"

2010-02-28T04:54:00.001+08:00

I watched him took his last breathe
And he died... That guy whom I hated and changed has pass...
Its my time, to carry him home.

I miss you like hell.

2010-02-26T00:32:00.003+08:00

These papers and ink been following me around
Behind lamppost and streets, cold rooms and the sands
Of a millions stacks of paper

She said josh "how have you been?"
I said, "dear I've been well"
Yeah,
my days are all so
hard to pass and I miss you like hell
though I still hear your voice from the
old bottle of pills
and I know that I will
find my way right beside you
Where the piano is

I know I'm not crazy
I just lost my way
why am I, why am I
Still here...?

Give me something to believe in
A breath from the breathing
So write it down
I don't think that I'll close my eyes
'Cause lately I'm not dreaming so what's the point in sleeping
It's just that at night I've got nowhere to hide
So I write you a lullaby
A lullaby...

I feel like my world's crushing down on me tonight...

Just for tonight.

2010-02-24T23:58:00.000+08:00

Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough Cough!!!

I hate my cough!!

2010-02-24T00:39:00.001+08:00

I am just so tired...

Come on, look me in my bloodshot eyes

The clouds are rolling.

So so so tired...

2010-02-23T01:59:00.003+08:00

Newton Second law states that to every action there's an reaction which of equal force to that action.

What if, an unstoppable force meet with another immovable force?

The most insidious of all... "what if"

Without you by my side
I realize that silent has a sound...
Suddenly it all became so quiet and empty
When all there's left was a fragment of you
And shards and shards of happiness that was once around but now distant
Lying there on the floor like a mirror with its awful cracks
Reflecting the side of us we don't wanna see

It's funny how season come and gone
All these was far too long
With the Song we Sang when we were Young
Now we lose hope in the sound
And As I swim across the ocean of words
Channel surfing through static of age
Empty and alone inside
I then realize that silent has a sound

HAHAHHAHHA! RANDOM SONG.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't emo at all when I wrote this? I was in the toilet one afternoon(usually where I get my inspiration from) I was just forming these words... Toilet oh... toilet.

Ciao!

If I drive fast enough, Do you think You could catch up?

2010-02-22T01:29:00.002+08:00

I realize I had so much interesting thing that happened to me this just this year that I can't blog about? Talk about Irony huh?

I stump upon one of my secondary school Volleyball mates's facebook photo just now. I was just thinking to myself, "wow, all those people that I thought were good looking then all don't look half as Shuai as me?" And those girls whom I thought were really something back then, in terms of looks. I must say, I was shock to see them? By shock I mean, I'll be having nightmare tonight kinda shock? HAHA!

Is it me? Or just erm... I don't know? Maybe I've been hanging around Normal to good looking people for far too long? Ohh! In case you're thinking to yourself, Dam, Josh ain't you judgmental or what?

I'm really, sorry? Just raw sentiments... Raw Sentiments, Uncut. HAHAHAHA!!

Anyway, My first paper is just less than 24hours away? I can't really tell you how I feel right now? But if I were to put it in few words sentence it would be:

"Newton, you SOB!"

Oh, in case you don't know yet, Our Dear Sir, Isaac Newton Invented this thing called the Newton's Law? Which amounts to almost every freaking maths related thing you can find here on Earth? So with so much admiration for him I've decided to embark on a learning journey which is called Engineering maths 3! So yup!

SO yeah, Look at what Maths did to me? But seriously, those who's reading this? I don't know? Pray for me? Or today is the some auspicious day in the lunar calender right? People burning stuff all around the neighborhood?

I wonder, If burning these Maths Past year paper will help in anyway?

Ciao!

2010-02-19T00:08:00.001+08:00

Maybe it's time to believe in Miracle...

Yeah, Yeah... Definitely, Maybe?

2010-02-17T15:14:00.002+08:00

Dear Lord! Give me the strength to prepare for my exams!

I feel so:

Unmotivated
Uninspired
Lost
Fearful
Tired

And the List stops here...

Amen.

Hello.

2010-02-17T01:43:00.004+08:00

Knock, Knock...

Who's there?
It's Me...
Let me into your Life?
I Promise, I'll stay a little while to figure this one out with you?

Yeah, I will... I definitely will.

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you
I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here

Gonna Lift my head up High!

2010-02-14T02:35:00.006+08:00

It has been a rather emotional week for me, the people around me rages war beside me and I am truly tired out by the friends that actually matters to me. Till a point I feel like an outcast, someone who's different from every single issue that revolves around me.

Am I insecure?
Was I ignorant?
Or was I just numb to all that happened?

Whatever it is, I'm getting tired of this channel that I'm watching? You know? World? It's time to tune in to God's Channel...

Someone once told me this:

People, will always disappoint you
They leave you once you're different
But God, you're the one I'm indifferent to.

Oh wells,

I'll like to think of it as a part of my life I have no control over...

I'll be strong...

Ooooo Nice Song! Keep Blasting this song In my Car!

Ignorance - Paramore

If i'm a bad person, you don't like me
Well, i guess i'll make my own way
It's a circle
A mean cycle
I can't excite you anymore
Where's your gavel?
Your jury?
What's my offense this time?
You're not a judge, but if you're gonna judge me
Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know
We're not the same
We're not the same
Oh, we're not the same
Yeah, the friends who stuck together
We wrote our names in blood
But I guess you can't accept that the change
Is good
It's good
It's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I guess i'll go
I best be on my way out.

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
It's not a war no, it's not a rapture
I'm just a person but you can't take it
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
They won't get you anywhere
I'm not the same kid from your memory
Well, now I can fend for myself

Don't wanna hear your sad songs
I don't wanna feel your pain
When you swear it's all my fault
Cause you know
We're not the same
We're not the same
Oh we're not the same
Yeah, we used to stick together
We wrote our names in blood
But i guess you can't accept that the change
Is good
It's good
It's good

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend
Ignorance is your new best friend

Well, you treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I guess I'll go
I best be on my way out.

2010-02-12T12:45:00.001+08:00

IGNORANCE IS YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND

IGNORANCE IS YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND

IGNORANCE IS YOU NEW BEST FRIEND!

2010-02-11T01:34:00.003+08:00

I wish I knew what to say to you,
Because all I ever need and
All that I could ever dream of is right there
In that perfect eyes of yours...

Forgive me, because I am just so tired.

2010-02-10T02:11:00.002+08:00

Sigh...

Had a sudden flashback of the past. oh wells. Fear is like a disease, it spreads and spreads...

Don't heap these praises on me, I know I don't deserve it.

Think of me tonightt.

2010-02-09T03:13:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary, I can sense that it's gonna be a long, cold couple of weeks ahead of me with exams just right after CNY. Though I am not alone, never. I guess the worries just falls upon me like the unsuspecting rain that comes in the hot afternoon.

My ability to do well,
My time management and all?

I don't know? Maybe I worry a lil too much? Or maybe its just the fear that I will have to walk this one out alone, at least for now? But whatever it is, I know that I am well taken care of and yeah... Guys don't usually say this but yeah?

Joshua's thankful that he has an awesome shoulder to cry on if need be. (:

Anyway, Valentine's day is approaching? HA! ain't that a bitch? A day in the year when all the single person there is out there, ask one crucial question: What the hell am I doing here? ALONE? HAHAH!

I got to say, it's not easy swallowing the fact that you'd be spending it alone? Or rather, you won't have to? If you're celebrating Chinese New Year of course. You're be drown in all that festive fun, begging for Ang Baos, you're annoying cousins that you see every other CNY? and that Uncle or Aunt of yours that says the same thing over and over again as if there was a script written for all the Uncles and Aunt all over Singapore? Popular "Scripted questions" such as:

"Wah So tall Liao arh?!"
"Wah So short still?"
"Why Haven't married?!"
"When you bringing us a Boy/GirlFriend for visitation"
"You were so cute when you were young... Why now so...(Fill in the blanks)"

Last but not least... My personal favourite!
"You look just like your grandparents"

I mean, CNY "theoretically" suppose to be a great family gathering that everyone comes together for once not talking about problems in the family. Well I suppose It has become a occasion for us to BS our way through all that Bahkwa and Pineapple tarts.

But well, who am I to complain right? I still got my angbaos and family members intact in my life(: and plus, I am guessing that CNY is my dad's favorite holiday of he year? Never seen him so happy and hopeful except for Chinese New year? And When I talk to him about Business? HAHA!

ANyway, Wanted to blog something here But I suppose I lost my train of thoughts? Maybe because its 3 in the morning? Or maybe what I wanted to say deserve to be written down in a form of a letter sent out to the skies. But whatever it is, I know that I have a song that I am singing... Smile!

think of me tonight
when everyone leaves and you're alone,
Think of me tonight,
I'm counting the days until you come home...

Goodnightt, Goodnightt!

GUMMY BABIES

2010-02-05T01:59:00.006+08:00

I'm so sorry, I just don't know how to start this... She said to me, condescendingly. As I listen to all she had to say, I just wonder if any of that were truth to start with. I can see the disappointment and frustration in her eyes and as I fought to defend myself I couldn't help but felt a little hopelessness in every inch of that room that we once stood in.

She told me that, maybe its time to let it go? Maybe its time to start something new again? and stop insisting that things will always go your way? And soon I just knew that there was nothing we could have done unless she soften her heart for us.

I listen and listen and all the inconsistency that came out of her mouth like a derailed train going out of control, And I just thought to myself life is so unfair. Because of someone else's agenda, you're making it okay to forsake another's. I could tell you that its okay, but the truth is that its not okay. Its everything that I could be proud of, its everything that I hold on to in hopes for a different life. I just don't wish to see this all go to drain.

But, like what she said... Sometimes, you just have to learn to let it go...

OOPS!

Here's a something I wrote for someone who's so special to me.

Once again I found myself right at your door
Nothing to give and nothing to say
Broken down inside traveling on an empty tank
Risking it all just to get to you

Its like a time that I could never find
To just stand right beside you, why?
Maybe tonight, all is wrong
Come tomorrow, I'll be Strong

Because of you, I'll stand tall
and jump just because I know
You'd be right there cushioning my fall
When all these missing pieces was starting to make sense to me
I'll know what all this time was for

Tonight, I sleep alone wishing only for the warmth
But to know that you're there for me
Just a hundred miles away
Sends me to my knee
Looking, searching, praying for the day to come
When that hundred turns to one

So Goodnight, Goodnight, Sleep tight, tonight
and know that I'll do the same for you
just because I know that you're mine
and I know you can't really be that far away
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

Singing Is A No!

2010-01-26T01:23:00.004+08:00

Today, pretty much a pleasant day. Woke up at 11:48AM to reply a Message, then closed my eye and the next thing I know? I wake up in a 1PM world! And Lucky me, my first class starts at 1PM. Ha!

Class was okay, went in panting like s shag horse with my hair all messed up and all. I could tell from the teacher's eye that he's confused on how to react to this perpetual late comer. I know, I know but honestly I just don't feel the rush in life anymore. I feel like there's so much I am out of control about. Or at least in school? My friend's conflict, my magazine launch. I can't seems to do anything about it?

Honestly, My friends. I don't wanna state names, there are only so much people that I am close to eh? Seriously, I hope you guys read this man. I mean obviously there is something wrong between us? But everyone is trying to act as if everything is okay. I really don't understand what's with the facade? I don't know what to say man, because honestly I have no say because I don't know what's wrong really? But if it helps? Throw away that pride and talk about it less you don't cherish the friendship at all? Yeah... All I wanna feel is for everyone to feel alright? And yeah, Please. Whatever you feel like saying please say it, soon? Because I sort of drag school now because of all of this shit going on? I'm sorry, Its like a kid who's stuck in between his parents passing message all the time as if they don't see each other? Yeah? So yup! Drop that pride, and take a ride.

As for my Magazine, Sucks like sheet. Put it in simple words. My boss refuse to acknowledge my presence. I emailed her and no reply. I really don't know what to do. And to make things worst, I wasn't involve in the process of making it happen. To be short, they have frozen my status. Its not that I don't wanna be a good Chief ED? But I wasn't even consider in for anything? I mean, I could brag about all that I've done for OOPS! But honestly, I got to say. That's life? Sometimes you are Under-appreciate. HAHA! one word: SIAN

SIAN
(see-en)
A wonderfully concise Hokkien adjective which conveys boredom, weariness, frustration and emptiness. The English equivalent would be "ennui".
1. “My job is damn sian, man.”
2. “Wah lau eh, I do A-maths, do until sian oreddy.” - Coxfort Singlish Dictionary

Anyway, Just feel like ranting? Tired, tired, tired! Shall go self-motivate myself to finish my homework now!

Au Revoir"

Misguided Ghost - Paramore

I'm going away for a while
But I'll be back
Don't try to follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See, I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe

We all learn to make mistakes
And run from them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Travelin' endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact, they follow me
And we just go in circles

And now I'm told that this is life
That pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it

Would someone care to classify?
A broken heart and some twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh, you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Travelin' endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles

RADIO

2010-01-22T03:28:00.003+08:00

Heyy! I just woke up from a bad dream! Scary! HAHAH! Anyway, today has been a bad bad day for me but thank God for you! I was driving home tonight after washing my car, this song was playing on the radio and I thought It pretty much speaks to me? Gosh! Am I love drunk or what? HAHA! :D

You don't have feel bad
Just be glad that you are still standing tall

You don't have to be mad
Just be happy!

You don't have to try to play the games that you don't understand
Just have to play it like how you know it and someday you will win

You don't have to feel bad
Just be glad that she is waiting for you

At home
By the phone waiting for you!

You don't have to be sad
Just be glad that she home waiting for you!

When you open the door, she'd be there by the hall
just for you!

You don't have to be mad
Just be happy
at least you still got her...

SMILE!!

The theory behind all your imperfections

2010-01-21T02:36:00.002+08:00

Today(Wednesday), When I woke up I had such a severe eye sore that I totally gave up on the idea of going to school. I was literally one eye blind! So I slept till afternoon and my 'boss' kept pestering me to work and work and work. So I went down to the pharmacy and bought myself a bottle of eye drips as a step towards my plan on self-medication.

Okay, I am officially under-studying. Because My weeks are all filled with errands after errands and work(that I hate). I feel kinda jaded because I find no meaning in this work no more, as in at this moment of my life when I should be studying. I guess I'm only doing my dad a favor?

Anyway, This is my day so far. Nothing more, nothing less... My eye's still hurts like sheets, it really makes me wonder man. Why do I always get all the sickness after sickness? Sore throat then Fever's gone, then cough for at least a month then now sore eye!

Sigh, Sigh, Sigh...

"you know dad, you don't need more money... you need more self-control!"

Goodnightt, Goodnightt!

In the light of the sun, is there anyone?

2010-01-17T00:43:00.002+08:00

Dear God, Thank you.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you...

Thank you for the time under the hunter stars, bury deep into the playgrounds I hold my countenance near to yours and I let the eyes do the talking.

It was as if the lights were dimmed for both of us for a brilliant dance but too bad my laces were untied in the most beautiful way.

Your touch, the one touch that take away all my anxiety were all that I needed to let my stressful pain flow out from my soul through my body and to your hands just like a hole punctured into my logic about how I could be strong on my own, the truth is I can't never do it without you.

You are the rock, in which I stand! (:

So here's to the lonely hearts that refuses to sleep tonight, I know that life is less than perfect but I'm happy. I truly am and I guess you already know why...

See you at the SUNNY Island! :D

I don't wanna die, but I ain't keen on living either

2010-01-16T02:16:00.002+08:00

Aren't you sick of this life? The life that seems like a cycle that doesn't seems to get better?

Aren't you tired of all the late nights and early mornings that you strive for a better tomorrow?

Aren't you missing the days where you could have all the time in the world for yourself?

Aren't you sick? Aren't you tired? Aren't you missing out... Mother?

I am...

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years

2010-01-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

I dream of flying every single day, I wonder what it means to me... I guess I just need to get away from this city life and once again embark on a backpack trip to see all that is to see and feel all that is to feel in this life. I don't know why but honestly I don't really feel like conforming to this insidious life called the social norm?

It's like everywhere I looked, I feel so detach from my world, its like I'm living my dream and when I go to sleep I feel alive and more real.

Is it Insomnia? or just a certain method my body use to run away from some underlying issues that I've yet to face?

I often dream of flying... and I wonder why It feels more real than walking on foot in real life...

Oh dee wells!

"God, whatever it is... Don't let me fall?"

Hawthorne

2010-01-11T00:38:00.002+08:00

Monday Blues!

Oh, Lover you should've come over...
You should've seen the look on my face when you were gone,
I wished that you'd come back.
All the days spent waking up only to find that you're nowhere near
I would sleep just to see your face.

Wrote this on my way to IKEA the other day, Well, I guess everything turn out well at the end? At least Its worth trying. Thank you... (:

Ohh, Saw the flying thingie from avatar two times today! You know the dandelion looking thing? Once when I was driving, it was floating outside my window, another just lying there on the speakers. Maybe I have a higher calling in life? Wink* who knows eh?

anyway, Its time for me to dream again! Foodfightt! I mean, Goodnightt!

For all the times I did not turned her way

2010-01-08T22:39:00.001+08:00

See the Sun - The Kooks

You can have it all and wrap it up in the world
Oh you can have everything
You can have love and lots of other things
To make you think,
But when it all comes down to you girl
Yeah no matter what you do
Take a look at yourself and realise
I've been good to you
I've been good to you

Oh no
I didn't mean to say what I did say
About lovers and how they should lay
That was never for me to say and say
Don't you see now how I pay,

I see the sun rising,
And all you see is it fall, fall, fall

So come on up
Wasn't it you who said life was like a plastic cup?
To be used and then disposed of
Yeah but that's no way to live a life like yours
Don't you see now how I pay

I see the sun rising
But all you see is it fall, fall, fall

For all the times I never, never turned her way
And now she's here on someone else's arms
(x4)

Dear Diary!

2010-01-06T00:24:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry!! MATHS STILL SUCKS!!!!!!!!

GOODNIGHT!

All A's for all test so far! MAINTAIN!!

Was a little sad when I got back my results... But from the 50 plus plus club to now! 70plus plus!

Thermo: 76%
Mechanics: 74%
IA:79%

Could've done better I thought but well, right now. Thank GOD to the MAX for all these results! I couldn't have done it without him!

Praise the Lord man!!

Amen! Goodnightt, Witches! Sorry about today! Busy busy! Sorry! I'll let you hit me with your broom! :P

These Hammers and Strings

2010-01-05T13:28:00.005+08:00

When you have Insomnia, everything tends to slow down for no good reason. I have not been sleeping for days. 4:30AM everyday I'll wake up to realize that it's still night time and I'll toss and turn around on my bed till day break and then I'll be able fall asleep again.

Dreams filled my mind everytime I slip into light sleep, the next thing I remember is that I'm waking up every thirty minutes till dawn. The dream are always the same, I'm caught in a very vulnerble situation, e.g. A theif, subject of a bully, or someone who has two girlfriend at one time. It's crazy really.

Sigh~ food don't taste as good anymore, things that ought to be awesome don't interest me at all and small things gets on my nerve easily... My body is aching as I type.

But, honestly one thing I find rather cool is that everything around me feels so surreal, like I'm walking my life but I'm asleep. I can't feel anything nor hear anything. When I space out the things around me just toned down till I can only hear my own heartbeat. Which is a really cool experience! kinda like a out of body experience?

Anyway, I seriously have no idea whats wrong with me or what's causing all these lack of sleep for me. The reason I'm blogging this is just so that I could look back in the near future and laugh at this Surreal experience that I once had! (:

Courage? What is Courage?

This is Courage, the ability of choice to be different for the best of others... I think?

Bye!

The looks on your face is so intolerable!

2010-01-04T21:54:00.002+08:00

Okay, I'm suppose to come up with some ideas for OOPS! Issue 6 Launch by tonight! Gosh! Well, I'm not really stressed up but I don't want the launch day to just be a helium balloons giving spree? But having said that I still pretty much need a better idea than that? So with all my wisdom I've decided to blog and hopefully at the end a bright Idea will come out from somewhere!

So first day of School, honestly its a mixed feelings all together and I wasn't exactly excited about my first lecture or my tutorial class but instead the fact that the magazine is launching in two weeks time gives me something to look forward to in the weeks to come and today I had a photo-shoot over at CASS Block. I don't know how'd I look like but well, I guess I have to wait for the magazine to come out then? (:

Anyway, been losing sleep for so many days man. I don't know why...! I wake up every thirty minutes till the day breaks and then I'll finally falls asleep? Seriously feel so tired in the day and when night falls I just feel sick all together. Keep having the same dream every night boy! Its scary, might be some kind of a hidden desire or something but well, I've decided that Its not safe to even talk about it! So yeah, not gonna talk about it.

So yeah, Still no idea for the launch!

Anyway, really don't know what to expect for this new year. I've made my resolutions and I don't plan to keep to all of them, I made a hundred of them just so I could at least fulfill one? Sounds like a sane plan, Yeah!

You know, I was walking on the busy streets the other day, suddenly it dawn on me a very very true sentiment! I realize I am a hater of Insecure people? I don't really know why the sudden change but I just thought that most problems in the world are caused by people who are insecure in their own Identity. So WOW! I can't believe if I were to be living with them boy, it'd be like doctor X-xavier with the X-mens. Except that X-mens are way lot cooler, HAHA! And you wouldn't make a movie out of insecure people. Even if you do, it'd be a shit movie. HAHAHA! I'm just glad I'm not one of them... HAHA!

P.s: If you are offended, consider yourself one. No offense though"

So yeah, What's the story morning glory? :D

Anyway, I've said so much I just feel kinda tired that my big idea is not anywhere near my head yet! Sharks!

Ladeeda! bye!

2010-01-01T01:31:00.002+08:00

2009... Smile* Thank God its over.(:

2009-12-31T09:58:00.003+08:00

Dance, Elvis dance for the new year... And I'm waiting for something new to come around again.

It's time for some new year resolutions Josh, Give me a minute to think about it and I'll come back with a dozens of those again. (:

Dear Diary

2009-12-28T04:22:00.003+08:00

Dear Diary, I can't wait to be with the wicked witch. I wonder if she's really okay tonight or is she sweeping the night sky all alone into the starless night...

Dear Diary, I miss her. I wonder if she's mixing up another potion to make her strong because I long to give her strength even if she's frail and clumsy.

There's nothing here but a cold cold night just spells loneliness for her, I wish I could be there with her...

I wonder if she's serenading the forest creatures with her magical touch in a land that only she could go... I long to be there.

Dear Diary, I saw the witch flying high in the sky tonight, and I am just a normal boy who walks on his bear foot grounded to the earth so tight and I ran and ran trying to keep up... even with my swiftest speed I could not part from the earth beneath my feet but she's flying...

She offered me a ride on her broomsticks once and I took her hand and soon I was soaring high above the clouds with the bright silver moon along with us. We spoke to the stars and fluffed around in the cloud but soon I knew I had to go back down to earth where I always belong... How I wish I could stay a little longer...

I know, when I walk and talk she's always somewhere in the world above me looking out for me, and that when I think of her I just don't feel so alone anymore. How I wish she would know how much her silent existent comforts me and once again I pray that I can fly... even with my swiftest speed I couldn't break from the earth.

Dear Diary, do you think the wicked witch will ever know the words that my mouth fails to say, the thoughts that my mind cannot comprehend, the heartbeat that my heart missed every time I look into her sky where she would always be...

Do you think she will ever know how much I want to break from this concrete where my foot is grounded to. Oh, how much I'd love to, soar with her once again...

Tonight, I gave up sleeping, I stop dreaming because I wish I could be like the witch free and happy with the simplicity inside her little world.

Maybe tomorrow, maybe tomorrow... I'll soar. Right now, Smile. Goodnight, Goodnight the wicked witch...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
The silence isn't so bad
Till I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because when I think of you
I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone
I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here

How many Joshua does it takes?

2009-12-26T23:45:00.006+08:00

Christmas has been a really good time for reflections and the process of making resolutions for the new year ahead just makes me wonder if I'll ever keep to any of them. It's amazing, when I think back and somehow it just amazes me how many time I have died this year...

Suddenly, I feel like a man who just came back from a hospital knowing that the worst is over and that somehow he wishes those tired, jaded days would never find their way back to him... Wow! I feel free suddenly, I feel alive and glad that I'm back!

So yeah, This is an entry to mark a end to all my depressing stories about this sad sad year... Yeah! I've learnt so much, from everyone around me and most importantly I learnt that God is always there and I'm not saying this because of the need to be politically polite? But seriously, God. He is someone who has all the freaking answer to all the bad times that I was going through? To be honest without the word from him during good friday(he spoke to me) I wouldn't be at where I am today, Alive.

Yes, In case you didn't know I wanted to die real badly, was contemplating between the fast way out of the slow painful assuring one... I chose neither. But yeah, The Lord gave me a third choice which is just what I needed, to draw strength from him and not let me die or resume everything to normal though thats what I thought I needed. How silly was I eh?

So yeah, there's really nothing more to say about this year, the past is gone and a new book is in the making whatever the ending may be I'll be sure to face the day with open arms and open eyes!

"If I could open my arms,
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are,
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson.
And if I could open my mouth,
Wide enough for a marching band to march out,
They would make your name sing,
And bend through alleys and bounce off other buildings. "

This is my epilogue, this is my goodbye for this bad bad year! this are the main characters on this episode of my life... thank you all for being in my life. Thank God for you all...

Goodbye... Goodbye, My december sun is setting... It will all be alright.

Rootless tree - Damien Rice

What I want from you is empty your head
But they say be true, don't stay in your bed
We do what we need to be free
And it leans on me like a rootless tree

What I want from us is empty our minds
But we fade the forests, fracture the tide
We go blind when we needed to see
And it leans on me, like a rootless...

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all you didn't do
I said bleed it, bleed it, bleed it
There's nothing in you
And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much
That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out
Of hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out

What I want from this
Is to learn to let go
No not of you
Of all that is old
Killers re-invent and believe
And it leans on me, like a rootless...

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all you didn't do
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothin' anyway
And did you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much
That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out
It's hell when you're around

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothing anyway
And do you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so much
That you can't let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out

Stay out of trouble, stay in touch. try not to think about me too much.

2009-12-23T00:47:00.004+08:00

Because of Fishville, nobody updates anymore" I am so bored, felt like I've missed out on my friends life.

Anyway, I am so so tired! Tiles attack from sunday onwards, been squatting the whole day yesterday and today was just pure screwing the tiles back onto the wall. How was the job, you may ask, Screwed up, Literally. HAHA!

I am so tired... Did I say that already? My body aches like sheets now but honestly I've never been happier! Nope, not that all my problems are gone this christmas, life's still pretty much a bitch to me. But I don't know? Finally there is clarity and there is purpose to my little life after all?

Anyway, to all the gummy bears and childhood stories book. You look fantastic tonight, and that rushy walk back to my car was fun because I don't know we could really run! Jay walked to the parking lot, Gay walk on the streets my gawd! As you could tell I'm trying to rhyme like a spinning dim, close your ears if you don't wanna hear but I am smiling so widely because I know that tonight we'll both sleep tight...

The flower, the flower! HAHAH! okay, I know I'm speaking in riddles, if you cant' understand you probably wont hah!! Sorry!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"As the clock slowly ticks away every single moment that was left in this eventful year, I realized that I've grown, no longer easy on the eye these winkle masterfully disguise the youthful boy below. To me, it has been a really painful year, the cup was half empty from the start but through all those hurts and pain I've found the strength to stand up again from all my mistakes and that someday, when I rise I can look back and know that I was there and that somehow why the pain was needed. Thanks, summer. I hope there is joy in all that we hold after all..."

The worst is over you can have the best of me

2009-12-21T22:17:00.003+08:00

One day a boy came to me and held out his hand, on this palm was a ball filled with a certain toy that he got from the $1 machine outside my shop... With his teary eyes I could tell that he did not get what he wanted, so he said without hesitation "can I have one more chance?" I was surprised by his directness but in life you don't always get what you hoped for and that machine was there to remind us of that very fact... However I took out a dollar and took his toy in return. To me, thats life, things don't always turn out the way you wanted to but sometimes you just need someone there ,the right person to say yes, you get more than one second chance... (:

This is the day where everything feels fresh and my sleep has never been this good, baby don't even sleep this well. I was hit by a dizzy dry spell where everything and anything I said would amounts to nowhere for us, and suddenly I find myself letting go and then all that was hidden in my heart all these time I let it out, and I'm glad I did...

I was driving home the other day and I went pass a church and the neon signage shouts a phrase that goes like this: "the truth shall set thou free" I smiled at myself knowing that everything is gonna be alright...

I was just thinking about everything that had happen these few days, and I realized the necessity of Pain and sorrows. Only through pain can we savour happiness, which is why I can only humbly say that I was wrong and I'm glad that I realize what I just realize.

Honestly last weekend was one of the most depressing days in my life, its kinda like a sky without a Sun, Sea without water or something along the line of a bird without its nest... Things that should be around aren't and there's seriously no place to rest my tired head. And like you said, the words just doesn't register anymore because we're so over it. (: thank God that it is.

I'm happy again, like a boy who just learn how to run with all that speed and wind I feel free with my new found glory!

Seriously, I asked myself many times what makes a man. Is it his ability to not feel affected or his very own hearts desire for a woman's company. I talked to everyone around me and all of them told me the same thing, which is its okay to speak up. Chuan told me that its one thing to speak up and another to find a solution to all my worries. I guess I was caught up with the solutions more than the need to let you into my head.

As the Sun was rising for us that day, the whole air feels like a dream to me. A dream that was soon turing into reality for me.... you.

The year is coming to an end, and our december sun will soon be setting on us. All the pain that I've endured this year, all the tears that I've fall and all the lessons that I've learnt I really don't wanna relive a single moment of it. To be honest I kinda lost myself back then...

Now I look at everyone around me, all the other friends who used to be so happy with the other half. Maybe a part of me is afraid that as time goes by things will be bland and everything would turn out to be a cycle but I don't know? HAHA! Knowing me, I'm a cukoo dreamer, So I'll just say *fingers crossed* Nope, that won't be us. And you being all practical don't agree with my sentiments just yet! HAHA!

I pray that in the days to come we'll be strong, you were the one who'd save me from myself. When I was lost at sea, and all that was left was a piece of driftwood that keeps me afloat, you came to me, drag out the sun and calm the storm in me... you gave me a hand and pulled me out from everything... So yeah, don't let go just yet. (:

Best of me - The Starting Line

Tell me what you thought about when you were gone
and so alone
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older, but we're still young
We never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up

Here we lay again
On two separate beds, riding phone lines
To meet a familiar voice and pictures drawn from memory
We reflect on miscommunications and misunderstandings
And missing each other too,
much too attached to let go.
Turn our music down and we whisper,
"Say what you're thinking right now."

Tell me what you thought about when you were gone
and so alone
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older, but we're still young...
We never grew out of this feeling
that we won't give up

Jumping to conclusions
Made me fall away from you.
I'm so glad that the truth,
has brought back together me and you
We're sitting on the ground (sitting on the ground)
And we whisper, (and we whisper)
"Say what you're thinking out loud."

Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone
and so alone
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older, but we're still young...
We never grew out of this feeling
that we won't give up

Turn our music down and we whisper,
We're sitting on the ground and we whisper,
We turn our music down,
we're sitting on the ground
The next time I'm in town,
we will kiss, girl....
We will kiss, girl!

Tell me what you thought about
when you were gone
and so alone...
The worst is over
You can have the best of me
We got older, but we're still young
We never grew out of this feeling that we won't,
Feeling that we can't
We're not ready to give up

We got older but we're still young
We never grew out of this feeling
that we won't give up...

The Princess that once brought peace is leaving...

2009-12-18T21:31:00.004+08:00

All of the king's horses
All of the king's men...

Couldn't put my heart back together again...

All of the physicians
Mathematicians too...

Couldn't stop my heart from breaking in two...

Cause all I need is you, I just need you...
Yeah, You got the glue so I'm gonna give my heart to you...

Goodnightt My dear...

Sorry...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
St Patrick's Day - John Mayer

Here, comes the cold.
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own.

You...enter you.
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue.

Who knows, what will be?
But I'll make you this guarantee...

No way November will see our goodbyes
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone,
You tell me the names of your brothers
And your favorite colors...I'm learning you.

And when, it snows again
We'll take a walk outside
And search the sky, like children do (I'll say to you..)

No way November will see our goodbyes
When it comes to December it's obvious why.
No one wants to be alone at Chrismas time.
Come January, we're frozen inside.
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?
And we'll both be safe till St. Patrick's day.

We should take a ride tonight around the town
And look around at all the beautiful houses.
Something in the way the blue light's on the black night
Can make you feel more

Everybody it seems to me,
Just wants to be, just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times.
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday, take that away
I'll be alright...if it was just till St. Patrick's Day.

You may tire of me, as our december sun is setting

2009-12-14T05:23:00.007+08:00

The drive home tonight was blissful, tons of thoughts slipped through my head like a crack on the dam slowly propagating across everything getting obvious with each passing seconds. The empty road make it seems like it only belongs to you... Saw the place I use to go when I was young, So much have change since how long ago, and how much I've grown since then and I begin to understand that things will never ever go back to the way it once was. Family, full of shear perfections and flaws...

Brothers on a Hotel Bed - Death Cab for Cutie

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be.
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise,
The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw,
Something he was not looking for; both a beginning and an end.
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize,
When he catches his reflection on accident.

On the back of a motor bike,
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight;
Leaving everything behind.
But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete,
In the city where we still reside.
And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men,
'Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides,
Like brothers on a hotel bed.
Like brothers on a hotel bed.
Like brothers on a hotel bed.
Like brothers on a hotel bed.

She's a mystery to me...

2009-12-09T18:51:00.008+08:00

You're like a mystery to me, wherever I go you're there always by my side. I can never understand you and how you really work. I hate it when I have to look at you in the middle of the night but everyone here is telling me that I need you, and that you're good for me if I wanna excel. You speak in a way I cannot understand, no matter how hard I try you are one that can't be change but easily manipulated by some who know you best but thats not me, not me. I am tired when I stare into your infinite eyes full of the unknown that is tedious but you just won't stop, you gave me sleepless nights and Everywhere I go you're there, you're in every part of my life right now, every room that I cross, everywhere I turned my eyes to... I don't know you and I cannot see the beauty of you but I can try but honestly I have no interest at all... If I can I hope I won't see you again but I know that will never happen because you're always there with me everywhere I go, I don't know you but you know me best, you're like my worst enemy emerging from every corner even when I'm asleep... But today I conquered you... and I can't help but to think to myself, hey... Maths... I think I might finally be able to understand you?

Maths... Maths... Maths... You're a mystery to me... But for now, I know you'll be away at least till next year... (: Thank God, Maths PAPER ENDED TODAY!!!!!!

YEY!!!!

2009-12-07T22:59:00.001+08:00

I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS,I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS, I LOVE MATHS.....

A selfless act

2009-12-07T01:28:00.003+08:00

Cooking, to me is a selfless act, and honestly tonight's dinner was amazing, thank you!

As for me, I had the best naps in days. Sleeping while being guarded or looked after by the one you love is just pure bliss... you laid your hands on my tired head and I just fell, just fell into deep rest knowing that its okay to let go because its you...

I was lost at sea and you came in and pull me out from the storm that was going on inside my head... What would I do without you by my side?

Your words are the most assuring to me, and the letter I read just makes me smile and know that seriously, everything was well worth it... the pain and the sleepless nights and your eyes when you knew that I was dying to talk to you, it was just pretty, lets me know that some how you knew what I meant, (:

Thank youu, you're the most amazing. Goodnightt, goodnightt!

To all the moles that you drew on tonightt, and the stars that are looking after you like how you did for me when I was lost at sea...

Love always, Joshua.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees

I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
and the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again.

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love then you softly leave
and it's me you need to show
How deep is your love

(Chorus)
How deep is your love, how deep is your love?
I really mean to learn
Cause we're living in a world of fools
Breaking us down when they all should let us be
We belong to you and me.

I believe in you
You know you're the door to my very soul.
You're the light in my deepest darkest hour
You're my saviour when I fall

And you may not think I care for you
When you know down inside that I really do
and it's me you need to show
How deep is your love?

(Chorus)

La da da da da, la da da da da da da da da da da

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love then you softly leave
and it's me you need to show
How deep is your love

X marks the spot

2009-12-05T23:52:00.002+08:00

Study hard, Study smart...

Holding on to you

2009-12-02T01:15:00.004+08:00

In your smile, all the tears that fell to the ground was well worth it... ever wonder if it's all for you? *smile*

In the midst of our happiness there she was lying dead on the tarmac lifeless and her devastated partner screams into the night without comfort and soul left in him... And there he was, sad and knowing that he had to live alone in his life from now onwards.

I can't help but think to myself how lucky I must have been being able to sit by your side in the late hours, I was alone and unprepared but somehow I find my soles in front of your apartment...

Sometimes they say love is a insidious game you play not to win but to have something or rather someone more than yourself to care for... Its hard, I experienced it myself and I have learnt the many sides of myself. The vulnerable side of me when all I needed was some kind of assurance and the helpless side of me when I knew that your world is not okay. Somehow, in my atmosphere you're the most important element that keeps my head up strong and gives me strength to face the day.

Its sad, when I heard about the accident that happened a few blocks away. I cannot imagine what that guy must be feeling now. But it makes me realize that we have to learn to appreciate every time and moment that we could spend with one another because life is so fragile and precious I don't even wanna think about what it feels like losing hope and soul over you.

So I am dying to know you, dying to see who you really are deep inside and so far I can only say to you... I love what I see and no doubt I still don't know a lot about you but I promise I stay around to figure that out with you... And tonight you're just stunning, with you hopping around so freely, it makes my heart smile so widely and I bet only you could see through all my facade and mask, only you can read my eyes and tell me that all is gonna be okay... I'm thankful for you.

As I'm lying beside you, with a certain envy of the life you lead. Please see that I have always been there for you and I've been good to you. So lets not waste this evening baby I beg of you and talk to me like the night will never end.

And at last, with his wailing still in the wind, I learnt to cherish every moment with you, and I whispered the three simple words in your ear at your embrace that brings hope and strength to a better tomorrow with you"

Yours Always, Mr StickerBook

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Broken - Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Close your eyes and rest my dear...

2009-11-30T00:46:00.002+08:00

Take my hand, I'll always be here for you...(:

Completely lost on what to say and how to say

2009-11-29T01:06:00.005+08:00

I realize many time it is not only about how high your hopes are for the perfect evening or how much you want this to last, maybe sometime you'd forget that you're still pretty much grounded to the earth that you're standing on and you crossed the line between what's nice and what's simply overboard. . .

Well, its not a good feeling definitely, not being able to see or feel the only one that is real around here. Reasons after reasons trying to convince myself to feel okay but I suppose nothing is perfect?

A friend in Starbucks use to look at me trouble over what the heart might feel and She says love it all, love it all, no matter how hard it gets.

I suppose that's the whole point? Bad or worst, love it all? I could perfectly understand what's going on in your head... Maybe things will get better when tomorrow comes? Yup. Sorry.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Smile - Uncle Kracker

You´re better then the best
I´m lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed sing like bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed sing like bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed sing like bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile...

Feel So Loved! : Thank youu everyone!

2009-11-18T22:12:00.005+08:00

I was seriously sick for a whole two days, and honestly when all my hope for humanity was gone... I felt loved again...

By so many friends and family, anyway just wanna send a shout out for all of them!

When Chuan knew that I was sick, he immediately scolded me for pigging out on Kit Kats during our event together! I had to admit, I had that coming. :P

Then there was Yong, who offered to refill my water bottle when he saw that I was coughing when I woke up from resting in class? And honestly, he's such a awesome friend man, secretly he checks to see if I had money to see a doctor? I mean, that really means alot to me?

Then there was Daddy, who upon heard that I was sick, rushed to the petrol station middle of his shift to buy herbal tea for me and rushed home to see if I'm okay. Well, all I can say that is he's a awesome father and a bad boss but really appreciate it a lot Dad!

Then My Mummy, who bought tons of medicine for me, and cooked herbal tea(the real boiled one) for me! HAHA! Seriously, it smells really good from my room now! totally feel so loved by her, and though she don't drink Green tea(all her children knows that) and she was thirsty and all and because I wanted to drink green tea she compromised and shared a few precious mouthful with me! :P

And a Amazing Woman(Secret) that is rather New in my life that bought me a bottle of Organic! honey for my sore-throat!! Can you believe it?? Though its buy one get one free but honestly I so feel the love! / and though you wanted to bring me the one in your house for me, but its just so cute and sweet that you even think of giving me your share? Hawhaw!

Also, you know. My math teacher just called me and told me that he wanted to give me tuition for my math!! Because I didn't score well for the class today! I mean, how sweet and awesome is that? Now I want to score a A for him man!! Dr Liu Qi Zhang!! Thank God for you!

You know, Its just a small sickness due to overworked on events and articles and school work. But these people in my life with all their small acts of love for me!

Honestly, God... I was seriously beginning to lose hope and I thought I can never see that kind of love and kindness in my life ever but there it is, you proved me wrong and I guess it was you all along, it was you Jesus, all along... without you none of these would happen all at once, I see you love for me now! Thank You Lord! I am forever grateful!

"the other day I was just praying to God and I said, Lord. I can't walk on no more... There's is nothing here for me that I would wanna fight for, and there is nothing here that I can draw love and strength from..."

I guess, you can never doubt the amazing Love of God...

Surprise and touched was my emotion!

And CHAI JIAN GUO a.k.a Chua Kian Kok a.k.a KK! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING??!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I KNOW WHO YOU WERE TRYING TO SUAN!!!!! YOU RIDICULOUSLY FUNNY GUY!!

Midnight Oil

2009-11-13T01:45:00.001+08:00

Thanks for keeping me company, in times of sleeplessness and those insomniac nights. Really couldn't have done it without you. Thanks!

Back to work, boy!

Terribly Insidious!

2009-11-11T00:34:00.009+08:00

Facade

Fake a smile!
Pretend you're fine!
Close my eyes and listen to you cry!

Stop my will
Steal My Strength
Bury My feelings and hide my fear!

This is what it feels like to be normal
This is how we feel like to be normal
Maybe, just maybe I need them to know that what fools they are.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Then again, I'm not sad or affected at all... My hopes are all with GOD. Just that they are slowly becoming strangers to me... Strangers that I can't really care about. If you will, my Lord return my love for my family to me... thank you. Amen.

Blurry - Puddle of Mudd

Everything’s so blurry, and everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s empty, and everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I’ll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you’re doing Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us, and that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Everyone is changing, there’s no one left that’s real
So make up your own ending, and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost with out you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you’re doin I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us but that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me

Oh nobody told me what you thought,
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn,
Told you when to run away
Nobody told you where to hide,
Nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn,
Showed you when to run away

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me

No!
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away...
This pain you gave to me

Love Hurts

2009-11-08T08:59:00.004+08:00

Slowly, but surely this all is coming to an end. You wondered to yourself a thousand and one time what really went wrong? was it too much that I was asking for? You know deep in your heart that every word you said and every thing you do would be so smooth that maybe someday she'll feel it too, but no. So you come to a breaking point and you said lets forget it...

Anger can always takes its toll on you, look at you. You're growing old so young my brother... Its really sad especially you're walking down the street where my sole once laid its presents on. Look at your smile, I know you wanted badly to feel fine, to feel free again but this brutal chain its holding you back... It may seem hard to summon the strength to forget it all but maybe, somehow, someway this is the only chance that you've got to take for a better dawn.

I can see it all in your eyes, that jaded shadow that looms behind your stronger front. I wish that it can be as simple as On/off switch where you're here today, and gone tomorrow. With this incident, it changes everything that your stood for, your faith, trust, hopes and fear... I wish this isn't so

but sometime, a man's got to wake up to find that he really has no one and that life of his own... is no one else's but his Own...

I hope you see the light, I hope you find that strength and hope that could bring you through tomorrow... Dude,

"Love hurts
But sometimes it's a good hurt..." - Incubus

Lift up my eyes to the heavens and pray that God will give you the strength to dance again my friend... Amen*

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dyin breath of
this love we've been workin on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
so I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
we pulled to many false alarms

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

I was the one you always dreamed of
you were the one i tried to draw
how dare you say it's nothin to me
baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I made the most of all the sadness
you'd be a bitch because you can
you try to hit me just hurt me
so you leave me feelin dirty cuz you can't understand

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

Go cry about it why don't you
Go cry about it why don't you
Go cry about it why don't you

my dear, we're slow dancin in a burnin room
burnin room, burnin room
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow

don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow

don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow

Be strong Chuan...

Time is just a factor, slowly I find my past looking, searching, Haunting me

2009-11-07T00:29:00.003+08:00

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day... This is a sick cycle carousel"

What am I going to do without them?

2009-11-06T01:26:00.004+08:00

Let me tell you a story about this three good friends. All of them met one another by accident and by chance they came to me at a very strange time of my life...

When boys become men...
When each broken heart eventually mend...
When one of them is broke...
When insecurities takes place...
When failure was the best way to learn...

They were there for me, I couldn't want anything more than two of them. Wanting nothing in return they gave to me. And I am forever grateful, Thank God... Really do.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For you to notice... - Dashboard Confessional

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
Where I would impress you,
Where every single word I said
Would come out insightful or brave, or smooth, or charming
And you'd want to call me..
And I
Would be there every time
You need me;
I'd be there every time..

But for now,
I'll look
So longingly..
Waiting

For you to want me
For you to need me
For you to notice me

"I may not know the best way out at times, or the right words to say at the right place, but I'm just glad that our day was saved by the beauty of his grace... Thank God for you Miss Stout... I'm so glad that everything is better now, I've learnt so much, I hope you see it too... Waiting for you to notice."

Sunday Glory"

2009-11-02T09:54:00.003+08:00

My latest experiment, the Cream pasta with Parmesan Cheese as Base. Complete with Basil , Garlic and black pepper as Flavor. Simple but elegant! Ha!

However, its still bit too tasteless to me" oh wells"

Just Breathe, The midnight air will set you free

2009-11-01T22:31:00.006+08:00

Dear Diary.... Sigh~

Nothing...

Realize - Colbie Caillat

Take time to realize that your warmth is crashing down on in.
Take time to realize that I am on your side.
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder,
If we missed out on each other now.

Take time to realize,
Oh, oh, I'm on your side.
Didn't I, didn't I tell you?
Take time to realize this all can pass you by.
Didn't I tell you?
But I can't spell it out for you.
No, it's never gonna be that simple.
No, I can't spell it out for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,
Than we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder,
If we missed out on each other oh.

It's not the same.
No, it's never the same,
If you don't feel it too.
If you meet me halfway,
If you would meet me halfway,
It can be the same for you.

If you just realize what I just realized,
Than we'd be perfect for each other,
And we'll never find another.
Just realize what I just realized,
We'd never have to wonder...

Just realize what I just realized,
If you just realize what I just realized... ooh ooh.
Missed out on each other now.
Missed out on each other now.

Realize, realize, realize, realize, oh.

to break or bury

2009-10-26T22:52:00.007+08:00

Say a silent prayer, hope that I won't explode screaming at the top of my lung because... HOTMAIL SCREWED UP AGAIN! I CAN'T CHECK MY MAIL AND DO WORK! I HAVE TONS OF ARTICLES TO FINISH AND IT WON'T EVEN LET ME SEND ANY EMAILS!!!

.....Stupid....

Anyway, back to school! back to school! Means, that I have to start studying smart this time. I have so much to do, events, homework and magazine. But I'm happy! HEHE! because I have the best supporter anyone could have! :D

I was just reading out my article the other day, though I thought it was like really distasteful but right after I read it out to myself you gave me a wide smile and told me that its good. I can't believe it either but with that smile as a assurance I was sure that the article is almost done, thanks!! :D

Anyway, Chuan & Yong went for Maths class just now, and the brought me bad news... Yong is officially lost in the topics... Which means, that Chuan will lost... AND me? Will be completely lost on Wednesday which is my Maths tutorial. *SHIVER*

So today, was late for class because I was running some errands in the morning. Stepped into class all covered with sweat. Sat down with my latest classmate, I was like, wow! All girls! SHIT! HAHAH! then I'm a repeat student so naturally I did the report for them with the help of some girls for maths. HAHA! You know, I'm just bad with calculations, HAHA! Anyway feeling slightly cheated, I asked if I could interview them for my article. HEHE! so now I'm officially done with one article with photos!

Ohh! This girl here, her name is ZHAOLIN!!!! I was super shock when I hand in the report! I was like "WHOS ZHAOLIN??!?!!!" then she jumped out from her chair la! she's like "me... (O O") HAHAHA!! Because Zhaolin is a unique name la, all my life I've only known one Zhaolin and now a China girl! HHAAH!! Not bad eh, Miss Neo, you're a quarter China girl also!! HEHEH! Ah Gong is from CHINA! Same class as Zhaolin, interesting!

Honestly, this semester has been rather demoralizing for me, because Chuan and Yong is of a different class from me, I hope I won't miss out of their life man. It's like everytime I see them, I'm just super happy la! HAHA! *Gay abit* without them school like is Lost man! HAHA! both of them are like the anchor that holds me in place man. They look out for me like a brother would do, I mean seriously just thank God for them so much! :D Shall catch up with both of them soon! Like since school reopen only manage to talk to Chuan. Yong hurt his leg, so abit hard to make him stay back after school as he needs to see a physicist for them. So wells, we'll see how it goes then.

This is piece about the best day I've ever had.

I think you know how I feel
When the moon shines above us
As Waves crashes into the shore and the breeze so strong I felt as though I'm flying away into the ocean but you were there holding me with your glance and I can smell the fragrant coming from you as the wind blows it makes me weak on my knees

Honey, you're the Sun that shines in my darkness
you're the rock upon which I stand
and when you're sitting right beside me the time just seems stop for you and me
I could not ask for anything more than this
I need you like the ocean needs its shore

And the lights they reflect from the sea making it looks as though a candle flame dancing for us celebrating a perfect night that meant only for You and I
It is then that I realize that I could never go on without you
You're the strength that assured me when I felt that I couldn't walk on no more
I'm tired but with you I found a reason to stay tall

Your laughter are the most precious, don't blame me for being persistent or just simply jealous HA! It was all because you're precious to me. You can laugh all you want and I would just seat right beside you and rest in the knowledge that you're happy because of me... Thank you for everything, Hands down it was the best day I've ever had.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep.
This air is blessed, you share with me.
This night is wild, so calm and dull.
These hearts, they race from self-control.
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine.
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

The words are hushed, let's not get busted.
Just lay entwined here, undiscovered;
Safe in here from all the stupid questions.
"Hey, did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close,
They can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me,
So won't you kill me, so I die happy?
My heart is yours, to fill or burst,
To break or bury, or wear as jewelry.
Whichever you prefer.

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember.
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair,
That you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late.
And this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet and the gate was locked,
So I jumped it and I let you in,
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist,
And you kissed me like you meant it,
And I knew that you meant it.
That you meant it, that you meant it.
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it.

Oh, I'm on my way trust me!

2009-10-20T19:58:00.002+08:00

NO!!!! SCHOOL WORK SUCKS! ALL MY SUBS ARE LITERALLY MATH, MATHS AND MORE MATHS! DEAR GOD, GIVE ME WISDOM & AND THIS THING CALLED STRENGTH TO SCORE WELL THIS TIME! CAN'T REALLY CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT THESE BOOKS THAT ARE SET BEFORE ME?

WELL, I GOT TO GO MUG A LITTLE NOW. . .

"It gets a little harder without you around"

Cos all you people are Vampires! : Hippopotatemus

2009-10-20T00:05:00.005+08:00

I can literally feel the chaos around me, I don't think I'll try to pretend.

"Perhaps Vampires is abit strong, but..." - Arctic Monkeys

Well I've seen your eyes as they fix on me
What is he doing? What on earth's the plan? Has he got one?
You'd better give me some pointers
Since you are the big rocket launcher and I'm just the shotgun

Well I ain't got no dollar signs in my eyes
That might be a surprise but it's true
That I'm not like you and I don't want your advice
Or your praise or to move in the ways you do
And i never will.

Cause all you people are vampires
And all your stories are stale
And though you pretend to stand by us
I know you're sure that we'll fail

Well I've seen your eyes as they fix on me
Full of confusion
Your snarl is just so condescending
Try to explain that we're onto a win
If you feel we get in
Near recoups what we're spending

He says, I can't believe that you drove all that way
Well how much did they pay ya? How much did they pay ya?
You'd've been better to stay round our way
Thinking 'bout things but not actually doing a thing

Cause all you people are vampires
And all your stories are stale
And though you pretend to stand by us
I know you're sure that we'll fail.

Cause all you people are vampires
And all your stories are stale
And though you pretend to stand by us
I know you're sure that we'll fail.

Cos all you people are vampires!

Ridiculously predictable

2009-10-10T15:12:00.002+08:00

Well, I guess its really not that easy to just leave everything and go on my own way. I don't wish to say more...

Boarding a bus to Hue at 7PM, should reach by tomorrow if nothing goes wrong...

Ciao~

Rain, Pain go away. Come again another day ):

2009-10-09T16:48:00.003+08:00

Finally, Found a hostel that has internet! Whew~ Spent the last 3 days in Dalat. Initially the weather was something new to me, a mere 10degree Celius. My breath was smoking man! the hotel room don't even need a air-conditional" Bliss, so I thought.

After one night there, the cold and the rain just eats into your soul and you start to wonder, why the hell didn't I bring that sweater of mine?! HAHAH! Now I understand what Noel and Liam from Oasis is singing about in their song Live Forever

"Lately did you ever feel the pain, from the morning rain that soaks into your soul"

Oh wells. Though I don't really wanna make people back in Singapore worry?? But I guess I shall blog it out?

Just yesterday we decided to pay the famous "Elephant Waterfall" So we woke up early in the morning and rented a Motorbike and rode into the mountains! It was freezing cold. The view was breath-taking and I got carried away and didn't watch the road ahead? Guess what? HAHA! First time riding, I crash! Gosh, thank God that it was only cuts and all? Not fracture and such. No need for stitches, I reckon. It was pretty bad, because of the rain and ahead of me was Yong who suddenly stopped his bike because of a bridge that was way to slippery to ride over. So when I looked up and saw him, I jammed my brakes and the whole bike slip and crash. Sigh~ Thank God for the Villager there who help me clean my wounds and apply some painful medications on them!

Now I'm down with Fever and shit, Food tasted like crap to me and all I wanna do is lie down and rest though I've just arrive in another town, Nah Trang. It was so painful that I didn't sleep the whole night thus I am still quite sick now. Bleah~ The Bus ride here wasn't any smoother either thus I didn't get any chance to shut that eyes and mind of mine. I mean, how can you really rest when your bus nearly fell into a cliff because of a combination of Mud and rain?! HAHA! This is all so cool! What an Experience! I guess I have a story to tell and some explainations to do for my parents.

Dear, Sister. If you're reading this now? Please don't tell Mom and DAD. HAAH! Don't want them to worry? instead you can laugh at my shenanigans then~ HAHA! I did and I still find it pretty funny. Well, by the time I come home, all these wound should turn to scaps and scars. So don't tell them Okay? (:

Okay, its raining heavily outside this town and walking in the rain is less enjoyable than the musical itself? So I'm just sitting here, maybe head up to my room and rest till I get better? Yup!

On a lighter note, I manage to take some pretty awesome photos here and there! HHAAH! YAY! Shall show you all when I'm back! (: Be strong Josh! Be Safe!

"It seems to me that the road ahead is still far from home and I just wanna run home to everything that brings me comfort, run to to the place where I could see your pretty face. Its clear now that the streets may not be too kind to me but I'm still pretty far from home. I wish that I could cry and whine and dive into the place where the sun shines and the breakwaters calms. Your smile was all that it takes for me to walk on though my bleeding leg forbids me to. Because I know, if I just walk, just walk... Soon I'll find my way back to you. Please forgive my carelessness, though from it I learn. And as the rains pours into the streets where my soles leads, I know you'll be singing to me... Rain, pain go away. Come again another day. Be safe, be safe and soon you'll find my sole right outside your door. (:"

Gosh, I miss you so

2009-10-06T21:02:00.004+08:00

Second day in Veitnam, when I first reached here. I was a little shocked by the culture and people here? The traffic and all is totally out of my imagination. My mind was filled with anticipation and wonder but this all is a little hard to swallow. From the first few hours I was already starting to miss home and the people that I hold dear to.

I know that this trip requires me to step out of my comfort zone and really just pause this whole island like for me for a whole two weeks but I'm here and I'm ready to learn and see how far can I go without the comfort of my ife. But to be honest I miss it so much... Never knew that it could be so hard?

Well, on the first day I've already been con a couple of times. Thank God its not those big con? But you know, people who is trying to make a living here rake up their price by a few thousand dong for us. HAHA! Yong is our con magnet, no offence but his outfit is way too nice for any Vietnamese, it just spells one word: Tourist. On the other hand, me in my oversized shirt, torn pants and a freaking dirty sneakers Cylo and Motor taxis tend to ignore calling out for me(as they are only interested in Turidt(how Vietnamese pronouce Tourist). HAHA!

The Weather here is all sunny so far? Drizzle a bit and Sunshine a lot. HA! Awesome. In the coming days and Destination I won't know what to expect but Ho Chin Minh City has been an EYE opener. I will continue to update if situation allows. (: So those that are worry for me, just wanna say a BIG "Kar Merr" to you. (Vietnam for THANK YOU) Those back at home, take care of yourself too? HEHE! Ciao!

To My Sis: HAHAH! Nope, It's just a little joke between Peihao and me" :D Anyway, just came back from Dinner. Man, I got to say they serve the best coffee I've ever tasted! haha! the fruits here is rather unique too. Haven't seen anything that tasted like Mango and looks like an orange? haha! Anyway, its just awesome. I think the Vietmanese have the most cheerful smile here man. HAHA! It's just nice people watching here. Seriously, Tell Mom and Dad and Peihao. I really miss you guys man... Life here is kinda independent kind? So I have myself only to count on and Please, I'm not about to HANKY PANKY with YONG? hahaha!! You can trust me on that! HAHA! Seriously, being here makes me appreciate the one thing called family more. I see alot of homes and family just sitting along the streets eating dinner and all. makes me ralize that though PeiHao and You can be a PITAS(ask peihao what it means) sometime? Also Daddy and mommy.. BUT at least I dont have to pay to have a roof? and Lunch and dinner is always on Daddy. HAHA! Ohh! As They might get a little worried? tell them I really miss them and I'm really doing fine. (: (: If anything pops up or what? I'll be sure to SMS you first hand? HAHA!! Take care!!! (:

Lastly, to the Miss Green and Blue Letter.

Gosh, I Miss you so so much! HAHA! everywhere I go, you were just on my mind. It almost makes it hard to stay here any longer. Wanna run back to you man! HAHA! Yong couldn't figure out why I was so quiet the whole time, I just smile and show him a reverse peace sign. HAHA! I doubt he knows that, only you will know I guess? HAHA! Anyway, I haven't read the blue one, I figure that if I do that I might just book the first flight out back home haha! and Secondly, in respond to the green one. Though you might not know enough to let the words make it pass your mouth but I'm willing to wait to hear the words you'd never say... just like how I'm eagerly waiting to read the blue note you gave me, when on the plane that is. :D

Hours to Midnightt

2009-10-05T05:08:00.004+08:00

Thirty more minutes, and I'm all set to go... I smiled and then I frown a little. Thinking of the comfort and people that I have to leave behind. It's really not that easy I reckon, but I suppose I could use some fresh air. Thank God for everything so far? and all these hours and months spent thinking about this. Somehow I realize...

The hardest part is not being a part of something or someone... but letting go.

Anyway, Got to go. My car is waiting for me.

"Take a deep breath and dive into the unknown"

Bye Bye!

My Favorite Book - Stars
I was always late
You're never afraid
That we could be fallin' (fallin')
All our friends would say
That maybe we should wait
But they can't see what's comin' (comin')
And to this day when everything breaks
You are the anchor that holds me

And that is why we'll always make it
How I know your face
All the ways you move
You come in, I can read you
You're my favourite book
All the things you say
The way you shift your eyes
I never knew there was someone to make me come alive

When the days are long
The thunder and the storm
Can always get me cryin' (cryin')
You can make my bed
I'll get into it
Shattered but not lonely (lonely)
'Cause I never knew a home
Until I found your hands
And when I'm withered
You come to me you're my best friend

And that is why we'll always make it
How I know your face
All the ways you move
You come in, I can read you
You're my favourite book
All the things you say
The way you shift your eyes
I never knew there was someone to make me come alive

And when we're making love
I'll give everything up for your touch

How I know your face
All the ways you move
You come in, I can read you
You're my favourite book
All the things you say
The way you shift your eyes
I never knew there was someone to make me come alive

And when you go to work
All the day I wait
And we can recount our time in our little place

Our little place, our little place
Our little place, our little place, our little place

Lately I'm not dreaming so what's the point of sleeping?

2009-10-03T03:41:00.002+08:00

Can't believe, I will be leaving on monday. Right now I can only say, I don't really know how to tell the people around me, as it came to some I've already told a shock. Some advice me not to go but I don't really know myself too? I guess I need some kind of a extreme ground zero experience just to really restart everything, absolutely everything that had happened in these past quarter year?

Maybe just needed to know how far I could go before I break? Ha! Well, the place that I'm going just got hit by Hurricane Katherina, So I really don't know what to expect. I'll be safe, at least I'll try. (:

Anyway, its a straight 13days with Yong. (:

Vietnam... Here I come!! HA!

Don't miss me, folks!

What I've succumbed to is making me numb: Trust me, I could tell from his dagger eyes

2009-09-26T02:06:00.006+08:00

As I lay on my bed trying to sleep, there's a rugged projector inside my head that refuses to rest. I could tell that I was worried about something but I don't think I know that much at all. Look out of the window with the wind gusting through my room and to the living room, there's a certain cold that resembles a memory so old and the rain clouds just looks like her face to me... All red with emotions, trapped within those obligations, something like a thunder and the wind. I could tell that the cloud wasn't at ease and that its just waiting for the rain to be stored till its too heavy to handle and finally the rain...

It's amazing how by just staring blankly into the dark sky, you learn more from the heavens than the friends you thought you knew...

Maybe you're right, and Everything wasn't as well as we all thought it would be? But I reckon that you don't deserve another Me(Old)... I might be wrong, I don't know but you deserve to move on, not stuck with someone that looks different but of the exact mistakes that I made... Maybe, just maybe... you can do much better than this baby...

Goodnightt...

I can smell it, a storm is coming... bring on the pain, bring on the rain... Listen to the thunder...

Trust Me - The Fray

Looking for something I've never seen.
Alone and I'm in between,
The place that I'm from and,
The place that I'm in;
A city I've never been.
But I found a friend or should I say a foe?
Said there's a few things you should know.
We don't want you to see.
We come and we go.
Here today, gone tomorrow.

We're only taking turns,
Holding this world.
It's how it's always been.
When you're older, you will understand.

If I say who I know it just goes to show,
You need me less than I need you.
But take it from me,
We don't give sympathy.
You can trust me, trust nobody.
But I said you and me,
We don't have honesty.
The things we don't want to speak.
I'll try to get out but I never will.
This traffic is perfectly still.

We're only taking turns,
Holding this world.
It's how it's always been.
When you're older, you will understand.

And again maybe you don't.
And again maybe you won't.

When you're older,
You might understand.
When you're older,
You might understand.

Maybe...

2009-09-24T02:09:00.002+08:00

Maybe the perfect crime, is that when your life is going fine the other side of the town there's another broken heart weeping, crying out in fear...

When I was dying, everyone around me seems to be doing fine. Living their little blissful park life, but now that My world is quiet again, it seems that the very people that were there for me, or that I ever cared for is heading for the worst turn in their life... How is that so? Why must it be this way, making all my happiness feel so undeserving.

Lord what am I suppose to learn from all these... I can only take so much you see... Please don't let me go will you?

Finally, I See...

2009-09-24T01:35:00.005+08:00

Finally, I understand the purpose of taking photos... Because you can never be at the exact same spot... same time with the same person ever again...
- Aik Choo

I'm Coming Home from the Lights and Buzz

2009-09-23T02:40:00.002+08:00

First Cut

2009-09-23T02:17:00.002+08:00

Dude, I wrote this song for you... It's called "First" It talks about how everything started and the helplessness you feel. All I can say that there will always be a happy ending to all these painful hours you have to endured... I'm with you Bro...

Goodnightt.

First

We were young when we first begin
You were the only one I see
You came to me like a quenching rain for all my fears
And I thought we would stick it through like the fairy tales did
Because in my eyes you were always this princess, always this beautiful
Now I am force to sit alone and wait for this happy ending that would never come

Can’t you see, you are all I need, you are all I can ever think about
Why can’t we just get back to where we use to be?
And just stay... just stay a little longer
I swear we’ll make it through the night, we are gonna see the morning light
Well it’s too late...You’re already gone... I’m already gone...

Well, I can’t just let this go although I know It would really hurt us both
But all these years of joy and bliss don’t you even feel a single bit?
My heart is yours to keep but where were yours when I need it so much
Now it seems to me that you’re far away, too far for me to get to you...

Can’t you see you are all I need; you are all I can ever think about
Why can’t we just get back to where we used to be?
And just stay a little longer, Just stay a little longer
I swear we’ll make it through the night, we are gonna see the morning light
But it’s too late, you’re already gone...

Now it seems to me that the distances between us is set
All I wanted was to find a easy way out for all these pain I have endured
Just so you know, you’ll always be my one and only through these hours of pain...
Through these hours of pain...

Can’t you see you are all I need; you are all I can ever think about
Why can’t we just get back to where we used to be?
And just stay a little longer, Just stay a little longer
I swear we’ll make it through the night, we are gonna see the morning light
But it’s too late, you’re already gone...

Just Stop...

2009-09-23T01:08:00.009+08:00

I really don't know what else I can say but I totally understand how you feel right now... Be Strong Chuan, don't let this kill you. You gotta be firm with your stand, be strong...

"Once you're gone" - Me

"If you know your heart will be broken, why were you so heartless from the start?

If you know you are gonna be sad why threw it all away in the first place?

If you know you're gonna regret why do this from the start, why fought the battle alone when you could have another one seeing you through all these thick and thin?

Why, Why?! What the hell is wrong, why are we always one step behind?!

Nevermind... its too late, the bridge's burned once you're gone you can't return..."