Sometimes once we got hold of something precious we kinda take things for granted. It may be a mere neglecting of the other party or just simple issues like keeping each in each other's life. I must say, I have failed badly. I guess I got carried away by all the problems in my life, the worst time of my life is here and all I can see is how huge the problem ahead lies and I forgot to appreciate the best things in my life which in You. I am sorry, I truly am... I've learnt so much from you but I need some time to figure this whole life out, It seems that problems will always somehow find it's way to me... When money wasn't THE issue, I seems to be less uptight, but these days it's hard to hold on because of all the waves that had been crashing my shore.

My strength was like a rock on the sandy shore, when I first came to you I was that rock that you could count on but now waves after waves of sadness and disappointment, that rock has become mere sand blending in with the shore. I'm at ground bottom of my life and I cannot lose you, I simply cannot... You're the reason I am trying so hard to carry on and move to a better place of my life. I see the connection between being okay and being the best that you can have and I must say, it's just a very bad time for me; maybe I need you, maybe all I need is security.

I grew up from a life that things were here today doesn't mean they'll be there tomorrow, uncertainty every single turn in my life and when I found you, finally a normal life and you can see why I can never lose someone so precious as you... I am sorry, and If I can turn back time, I would, If I could undo the things I do, I would, I definitely would but now it's too late and I can only move on to see if things will get better tomorrow.

But right now it seems to me that there is not much to say anymore, I just have to slow down and try to work my way out of this life...

I hope you'd still be there when I'm done fighting...

Love always, Joshua.



The End of an Anchor

I was away for a while
But I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me
But I don't deserve it

I'll cherish it well if you give me
One of your new starts
Just one more last chance
I swear that I'll earn it
If you front me for now

I'm good for it I swear
I'm better now I swear

In earlier days
They'd persecute people
They'd carry them off
And hobble their legs
For lesser offences
Than how I have harmed you
But still you allow me
To walk free of pain
Though I punish myself
I will never settle
The debts I've incurred
For scorning the face
Of absolute beauty
And measureless grace
And though I once mocked you
I'm dying to pay for it now.
I'm dying to pay for it now.

So hand me the rocks
To help weigh me down
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound to the
End of an anchor
Thrown in to the sound
And test me to see
If I
Will rise
Against
The worst
That it
Can get.

I wasn't well for a while
I savor the things that I knew
Were sure to destroy me
And that seemed to hold me
That seemed to carry me where I couldn't go
On the strength of my own
But I should've known
That that gets me nowhere
I've learned that now I swear

I earlier days
They'd persecute people
They'd carry them off
And hobble their legs
For lesser offences
Than how I have harmed you
But still you allow me
To walk free of pain
Though I punish myself
I will never settle
The debts I've incurred
For scorning the face
Of absolute beauty
And measureless grace
And though I once mocked you
I'm dying to pay for it now.
I'm dying to pay for it now
Now
Now

So hand me the rocks
To help weigh me down
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound
To the end of an anchor
Thrown in to the sound
And test me to see
If I
Will rise
Against
The worst
That it
Can get.

Well I wasn't sure that I could
Well I wasn't sure that I could
Well I wasn't sure that I could
But I can.