As I lay on my bed trying to sleep, there's a rugged projector inside my head that refuses to rest. I could tell that I was worried about something but I don't think I know that much at all. Look out of the window with the wind gusting through my room and to the living room, there's a certain cold that resembles a memory so old and the rain clouds just looks like her face to me... All red with emotions, trapped within those obligations, something like a thunder and the wind. I could tell that the cloud wasn't at ease and that its just waiting for the rain to be stored till its too heavy to handle and finally the rain...

It's amazing how by just staring blankly into the dark sky, you learn more from the heavens than the friends you thought you knew...

Maybe you're right, and Everything wasn't as well as we all thought it would be? But I reckon that you don't deserve another Me(Old)... I might be wrong, I don't know but you deserve to move on, not stuck with someone that looks different but of the exact mistakes that I made... Maybe, just maybe... you can do much better than this baby...


Goodnightt...

I can smell it, a storm is coming... bring on the pain, bring on the rain... Listen to the thunder...

Trust Me - The Fray

Looking for something I've never seen.
Alone and I'm in between,
The place that I'm from and,
The place that I'm in;
A city I've never been.
But I found a friend or should I say a foe?
Said there's a few things you should know.
We don't want you to see.
We come and we go.
Here today, gone tomorrow.

We're only taking turns,
Holding this world.
It's how it's always been.
When you're older, you will understand.

If I say who I know it just goes to show,
You need me less than I need you.
But take it from me,
We don't give sympathy.
You can trust me, trust nobody.
But I said you and me,
We don't have honesty.
The things we don't want to speak.
I'll try to get out but I never will.
This traffic is perfectly still.

We're only taking turns,
Holding this world.
It's how it's always been.
When you're older, you will understand.

And again maybe you don't.
And again maybe you won't.

When you're older,
You might understand.
When you're older,
You might understand.

Maybe the perfect crime, is that when your life is going fine the other side of the town there's another broken heart weeping, crying out in fear...

When I was dying, everyone around me seems to be doing fine. Living their little blissful park life, but now that My world is quiet again, it seems that the very people that were there for me, or that I ever cared for is heading for the worst turn in their life... How is that so? Why must it be this way, making all my happiness feel so undeserving.

Lord what am I suppose to learn from all these... I can only take so much you see... Please don't let me go will you?

Finally, I understand the purpose of taking photos... Because you can never be at the exact same spot... same time with the same person ever again...
- Aik Choo

Dude, I wrote this song for you... It's called "First" It talks about how everything started and the helplessness you feel. All I can say that there will always be a happy ending to all these painful hours you have to endured... I'm with you Bro...

Goodnightt.

First

We were young when we first begin
You were the only one I see
You came to me like a quenching rain for all my fears
And I thought we would stick it through like the fairy tales did
Because in my eyes you were always this princess, always this beautiful
Now I am force to sit alone and wait for this happy ending that would never come

Can’t you see, you are all I need, you are all I can ever think about
Why can’t we just get back to where we use to be?
And just stay... just stay a little longer
I swear we’ll make it through the night, we are gonna see the morning light
Well it’s too late...You’re already gone... I’m already gone...

Well, I can’t just let this go although I know It would really hurt us both
But all these years of joy and bliss don’t you even feel a single bit?
My heart is yours to keep but where were yours when I need it so much
Now it seems to me that you’re far away, too far for me to get to you...

Can’t you see you are all I need; you are all I can ever think about
Why can’t we just get back to where we used to be?
And just stay a little longer, Just stay a little longer
I swear we’ll make it through the night, we are gonna see the morning light
But it’s too late, you’re already gone...

Now it seems to me that the distances between us is set
All I wanted was to find a easy way out for all these pain I have endured
Just so you know, you’ll always be my one and only through these hours of pain...
Through these hours of pain...

Can’t you see you are all I need; you are all I can ever think about
Why can’t we just get back to where we used to be?
And just stay a little longer, Just stay a little longer
I swear we’ll make it through the night, we are gonna see the morning light
But it’s too late, you’re already gone...

I really don't know what else I can say but I totally understand how you feel right now... Be Strong Chuan, don't let this kill you. You gotta be firm with your stand, be strong...



"Once you're gone" - Me

"If you know your heart will be broken, why were you so heartless from the start?

If you know you are gonna be sad why threw it all away in the first place?

If you know you're gonna regret why do this from the start, why fought the battle alone when you could have another one seeing you through all these thick and thin?

Why, Why?! What the hell is wrong, why are we always one step behind?!

Nevermind... its too late, the bridge's burned once you're gone you can't return..."

"Let me tell you this grand little tale, about this lost little boy that fell in love with this girl"

I don't really know how to start or how to say all these, just simple bliss that fills my heart right now. I can't tell you how sweet all this is and how much I would like to stay around for another day but I know I'll have to wait, someday soon I'll see your pretty face... (:

The time spent together feels like a quenching rain for the desert, short but enough to keep everything alive, I don't think I've ever told you this but your smile the are of the most reassuring one? All these ups and downs, I'm just glad its over and thank God now this is the start"

Sitting beside you that day, just watching the day pass us by, the time seems to stop for us, I stole a random glance at you and you just smile to me assuring me, your eyes they say so much more, telling me that you'll always be there for me... My heart melted, and tears of joy just fills my eyes making it look like a pair of tired eyes,

So, The Sun that was shinning so bright and warm above us, sitting under the shades we don't really know where to go or what to do really, but you caught me by surprise. Leaning towards you for a little bit of comfort you mumbled a simple you're awesome to me, and I think I hid my happiness fairly well? Because I didn't have a chance to say this but I love the way you appreciate the things I do and speaking up on how you feel inside, though it may take sometime before the words actually reaches your mouth but it really meant so much more to me that way(:

You know, there's just so much to say to you, but I am not impatience. I'm ready to discover everything bit by bit with you, Thank You for everything, and the warm awesome day again...(:

Lucky - Jason Mraz

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

I have been here before a dozen times today, and I realized that something's wrong with me, but I'm just so lost for words... ):

First up just got out from a heated "discussion" between my beloved Dad and Mom? you know, the same issues different day that is. I was just walking along the town today and I chance upon this Advertisement by a certain bank, It says "Cash, Joy, Dreams" well, I suppose money could buy a certain security but how does Joy comes into place? Though two big kids are screaming in front of me but I still can feel their love for each other... Just some planning and trust from each other I reckon.

I don't know why, suddenly an extreme sense of loneliness dawn upon me. My day was like a music that has no sound and a picture that has no color... I have words but I fear to speak up, It's so tiring... I really wanted to just rest this tired head of mine but the pillows keep floating away from me. Really, sometimes I wonder if its better to head for the easy way out because you either break the silence and risk letting someone down or you bury the very feelings you keep. I thought about it for the whole day, its been so hard to ignore how I feel but I have decided to just bury it and wait, I guess? Patience is just as bad as letting go.

Too Young - Pheonix

I can't lie on my bed without thinking I was wrong
But when that feeling calls this world becomes another
Nighttime won't hold me in your arms again
I got a very good friend who says he can't believe the love I give
Is not enough to end your fears...


Anyway, It's just so much craziness all around me but it seems like there's nothing I can do about it. I have so much fear in everything, so much that the very thought of another chance seems so impossible for me. Its as if the more I try, the less I understand. I imagine staring at my phone for hours, sitting with my guitar for days, and holding on to your words for months, will that make a difference? Will that change anything? Or should I just wait... I have to I suppose, Sigh...

I am not disappointed or anything or neither am I complaining, I'm looking for somewhere to rant all this out, and sadly it has to be this bright shining laptop of mine tonight...

Goodnightt, Goodnightt...

Twice as much, ain't twice as good...



Gravity - John Mayer

Gravity, is working against me
And gravity, wants to bring me down
Oh, I've never known what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Whoa, gravity is working against me
And gravity, it wants to bring me down
Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

Whoa gravity, stay the hell away from me
Whoa gravity, has taken better man than me
Now how can that be
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is

Everything started when the spark went off between them and that chemistry between them was so strong. The thing that they both believed so much in, Love was not as perfect as they thought it would be.

Simple as it should but insidiously complex, the longer you are in a relationship the better you understand your other half? What if, somehow something went wrong and you find yourself stuck in a position where tiredness fills your soul and you just don’t see any purpose to give in and hold on anymore? The Charade has ended... you think to yourself, the more I see the less I know.

I was thinking hard to myself, the impossibility for one to love unconditionally and that even though you gave in a hundred and one percent you might not even get back a mere zero point one percent. But Love is a gamble, we all know that. He didn’t mind not getting anything back but a simple appreciation will make him sleep better at night but it was a request that was hidden deep inside of his heart and that finally the day came and he just don’t see any point to walk on. I swear he loves her more than anyone in this world but it seems that it is not enough to fuel the relationship and make him see any hope for this future together.

He saw the past in Yong, which is the guy who was under appreciate. Making every effort to get things right and the future in me, who cause a beautiful relationship to end only to later regret but Its already too late to restore anything as our time together is over.

I like to think of it as chances, opportunities and not Fate...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is this so hard to understand, so hard to lower down the expectations and see hope in every possible corner? I guess the more you want to make it better, the more it slips out of your hands.

Sighed, I'm so sleepy but yearning for the sleep that won't ever come. I pray that you both, Chuan and Yong will be okay.

Thank You, for everything.

Dear Diary, How do I put this across without sounding pretentious and unexpectedly greedy?

I know that, I haven't actually done much, but...

There much be something different about me from other guys... (: Well, I hope you find your answer soon.

I'll be here always, Joshua.



The Resolution - "Jack's Mannequin"

There’s a lot that I don’t know
There’s a lot that I’m still learning
When I think I’m letting go
I find my body it’s still burning

And you hold me down
And you got me living in the past
Come on and pick me up
Somebody clear the wreckage from the blast

I’m alive
And I don’t need a witness
You know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need a light in the dark as I search for the Resolution

And the bars are finally close
So I try living in the moment
Till the moment it just froze
And I felt sick and so alone

I could hear the sound
Of your voice still ringing in my ear
I’m going underground
But you’ll find me anywhere I fear

I’m alive
And I don’t need a witness
You know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need a light in the dark as I search for the Resolution
I need a light in the dark as I search for the Resolution

Resolution
Resolution

And you hold me down
Yeah, you hold me down

I’m alive
And I don’t need a witness
To know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness

I’m alive
And I don’t need a witness
To know that I survived
I’m not looking for forgiveness
Yeah I just need light
I need a light in the dark as I search for the Resolution
I need a light in the dark as I search for the Resolution

Editorial meeting went well today, nothing much happened except that tons of events to be involve in which means holidays will be pack like mad. Don't know what to say, but yeah. My day went well I guess?

Oh wells, really tired till a point sleepiness would have been an escape for me...

Yawn~

Goodnightt, Goodnightt!

Wow, The truth can set you free indeed!



Spinning - "Jack's Mannequin"

I'm keeping quiet
Till there no more sirens
Lately it's hard to keep the hinges on
with all the noise
I found my words when there was no one talking
The room is spinning I have got no choice
be patient, I am getting to the point

I can't remember when the earth turned slowly
So I just waited with the lights turned out again
I lost my place but I can't stop this story
I found my way but until then,
I'm only spinning

I'm keeping quiet til the phone stops ringing
lately it's hard to disconnect
I just want something real
I found the words if I can just stop thinking
the room is spinning I have got no choice
be patient, I am getting to the point

I can't remember when the earth turned slowly
So I just waited with the lights turned out again
I lost my place but I can't stop this story
I found my way but until then,
I'm only spinning

Spin beneath the rooftop
Hold on
Wait until the room stops
Spinning

I can't remember when the earth turned slowly,
so I just waited with the lights turned out again
I lost my place, but I can't stop this story
I found my way but in the end
we're only..

I can't forget when the earth turned slowly
so i just waited till the lights come on again
I lost my place, but I can't stop this story
I found my way but until then,
I'm only spinning

(spinning, spinning)

Well, in a blink of an eye the exams are over. I let out the loudest scream in relief that my stressful days are over for now. Suddenly, as expected a heavy emptiness had already beginning to find its way through all these tiny cracks that was left behind by the stress induce on one's soul. I find it hard to believe that It's already holiday, I suppose I don't know how to spend it as it's only a short six weeks but well, I certainly hope something good will come out of it. (:

Incident that happened today, as the guys were going out for dinner I didn't know that Vanessa(being the only girl there) had already ate her dinner. In the end she came along when she could have just stayed with her cousins and avoided all those rant made from a regular guys dinner table. Sorry! She look so bored, she told me she's tired. I felt worse after that, Sigh... Oh, saturday saturday... why do I have so much expectation on you? I look forward to you but the outcome is always different. Wells...

I'm okay really, (: just a bit of holding back and few percent of fear plus a drop of remorse and ninety percent of longing for the time well spent...

Goodnightt.

"Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand...

I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you..." - Green Eye "Coldplay"

Wicked witch of the East

This is the day that marks another end, another one down and one more to go. I don't exactly know what to say, but I certainly know how I feel, as I was sitting in the room where our thoughts run wild with answers for the questions set before us, I find it hard to forget about those words that I learned from a certain letter. Those words which I took some time to digest have burn their way through my inner thoughts and they recite in my heart like oil to my broken record player. It seems that my constant variable have been stopped and I feel a little joy inside once again.

I pray that everything was good, I pray that nothing else would go wrong. I hope, that faith itself won't be that hard to find in myself.

As I walked along the corridors from the room which I just came out from, friends blaring, comparing scores from question one to ten, I sighed and I knew that that paper wasn't what I expect it to be, I know from the very first hour that I wasn't gonna pass but yet the uncertainty that came from you was clashing with the words that was yet so real to be true, it was louder than anything around me. I sighed a thousand times wishing that I could read your mind and that maybe you would make it real for me somehow, I don't think I will hold back anymore, one way or another I will have to let it go...

I think its safe to say, you made it real for me. I'm gonna muster every other confidence that I have, and cannonball into the waters... As I'm holding on, please don't it go?

You make it real - James Morrison

There's so much craziness
Surrounding me
There's so much going on
It gets hard to breathe
When all my faith has gone
You bring it back to me
You make it real for me

When I'm not sure of
My priorities
When I've lost sight of
Of where I'm meant to be
Like Holy water
Passing over me
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
'Cause you are the only one who'll save me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

When my head is strong
But my heart is weak
I'm full of arrogance
And uncertainty
I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
'Cause you are the only one who'll save me
That's why I've been missing you lately
'Cause you make it real for me

BRIDGE
Everybody's talking in words I don't understand
You got to be the only one who knows just who I am
You're shining in the distance I hope I can make it through
'Cause the only place that I want to be is right back home with you

I guess there's so much more
I have to learn
But if you're here with me
I know which way to turn
You always give me somewhere
Somewhere where I can run
You make it real for me

And I'm running to you baby
'Cause you are the only one who'll save me
That's why i been missing you lately
'Cause you make it real for me
You make it real for me