After service just parked my car at home and took a short walk to meet the rest over at Starbucks, Loads of thoughts and emotions running through my head and thought of all the things that had happened to me these few months and suddenly I just made a silent promise to myself, I'm not telling. But Yup! I am quite sure when the time comes I'll know what to do.


It don't breakeven? *Smile* I think we're about even now. (:

OkaY, This Entry is specially dedicated for all the toys under my roof! Ladeeda! Its cool! I have a drumset at home! Now I can save all the hassle of booking a studio and hence save some $$. Whoo!

Today was a blurry day. I didn't even manage to sleep, consider the slides Miss Cheok did. Really mess up but kudos to her for effort. She call me dear, Purr... Scary. But she does that to everybody, I think?

So I edit the slides till daybreak and class was like 8am? Then SUDDENLY, I recall my MATL teacher is on MC so no class till 9am, So being a pig I sat down on my couch(I have a couch now.) and sheesh, I dose off and the next thing I know I'm one hour away from my CA1 presentation! And I got minus marks for not able to print our report on time. ): Well, GEMS.

So I dilly dally my way to school and still Coughing my lung away, It seriously sucks like nothing else man. My rip cage is hurting because of that... Well, anyway(haha! Side track) I reached school and went to RWP class and finish up my report. Then Wen Min called and told me if I still don't appear Mr CheeWee is gonna minus the team marks. So I ran to the printing room only to find a sight called "people mountain, People sea" So I just go up to GEMS class. I told Cheewee but he said he has to be fair. SO ahwells, Presentation was okay, I didn't even prepare but thank God my classmates are so cute, haha! As I speak they are like really immerse in my topic, but I still think it will be better if I hadn't had this 100days cough! Bleah!

Then after that I went down With Jocelyn to print our report, found out she is Jingkai's friend and I told her the things JingKai was Famous for. (: Evilistic, Then when we'll done Yong and Chuan came in the printing room and gave me the stupid smile! It was damn funny la! Makes me burst out laughing! Hahahahaha! Julk Yong told me that everytime I'm not with him he will catch me in school with other girls! Hahah! Stupid! No luh, it's just nice my GEMS and OOPS! are full of girls! he looks was classic man! It was hilarious!

So after some laugh and kick, I left them to meet Delano, to get my drum set! Whooo! Awesome, the place was at Hougang ave 4 which I spend hours to find and then later found out that it was just at beside the super nice fish soup store. Gosh! Waste time, then I sent Delano home and on the way talked pretty much and Seriously I think for a musician and all he is damn humble and nice la. Really awesome guy. (: So dropped him off and then head home to fix it up!

I played awhile and found it to be really deafening, especially inside my small room. But It's okay, I shall play in the afternoon then.

Yesterday went to Fairuz's office to call up the freshies to invite them for OOPS! FO, then Joey just starting to joke with me, I find it rather funny, because how did she even know my name just by hearing it once like damn long ago. And I don't know her at all. Haha! But she's nice, really reminds me of Berns. Plus she had really nice smile, Berns too! :)

And read Berns OOPS! Alumni's articles, really touching and it really encourages me to give my all to whatever I'm doing now. Because I feel that at times it's tired and felt really jaded to start all over again but when the hard work you put in and see that the event was a success you just feel damn awesome. :)

So thats all for my two day, which I have to little time to update. Whew, I promise myself I have to have a early night tonight! I shall, and Yup!

Cough Cough Go away, come again another decade or something? ;P

GoodMorning, as you can see it's already 7++am? Class is in less than an hour time. 8AM? And I have just finish my project slides and presentation later. Submission for Report writing is due today too but I have not yet written anything, I'm so sleepy!

Articles due on Monday= weekend no sleep.

I'm happily busy I guess? Or was I trying to fill up the empty holes that others have left behind? Was I smiling because I'm stronger or because I'm accepting my jaded past.

Whatever it is? Just smile, I thought? Maybe someday I'll understand what all these seasons in my life are for. . .

I do believe it's true,
That there are roads left in both of our shoes.
But if the silence takes you,
Then I hope it takes me too.
So brown eyes I'll hold you near,
Cuz you're the only song I want to hear;

Gosh, I looked really high~ This was the picture I took with Fairuz over at a event.

Had editorial meeting today, a backbreaking 6 hours discussion. Because some things cork up so we all thought we were gonna get it from Fairuz which is our Editor in chief. Turns out, maybe? She's in a good mood. So we explained everything to her and got our slap on the wrist from her. *Smile* Thanks!

Really thank God for helping me, suppose we have to submit our articles by today but we manage to postpone to monday thus giving me just about enough time to sleep and finish up my project. And photo shoot deadline also postpone to the 9th! SO yay! Though I'm having a massive headache but I'm relief, really.

So today's meeting we were discussing on the future direction of OOPS! and I must say it will be an exciting change! because I came up with a great idea, Ying supported it. Gerald and Xavier came up with another funny idea! SO Yup! when the mag official launch you'll see. *Tee Hee*

And! OOPS! is gonna have Freshie orientation on wednesday and CHALET in June! Which is super cool! Haha! Felt honored that a lot of them still remember last year's FO that I was standing up there chairing the games and all. The team loved it but yeah I must let others have the chance this time. (: Plus, I'm still coughing like hell.

Plus today's dinner was on Fairuz! We had Pizzzzza Hut! Whoo! We ordered from our school and have them send up to our classroom haha! SP rocks!

and during dinner!!!! Grrr~ Fairuz said I was checking out Joey this model from Lollipop, she is official a freshie for OOPS! yeah she had a pretty face and all the guys in the room were going gaga over her but honesty I only look at her because when I entered the room she was already looking at me. I was like "yeah?"

So yeah! I'm vindicated from checking out OOPS! models. Ladeeda! Ladeeda! (;

So yeap, thats all the update for my day. Nothing much, Met my Backpacking project group for meeting. Presentation on friday. Then, Slept at 6am this morning, class at 8am. So now going to settle all my emails and off the HIT the pillows.

"Smile, I hope your day has been okay? (:"

Wow, I'm just done with one project! and it's already 6am! Shit! I have class at 8am!

Woke up to another four aspirin morning, a headache that last throughout my entire day. I was feeling rather edgy today because I knew it was going to be a long day ahead. Stepped in to another unfamiliar maths tutorial class where I am lost once again, my head was already splitting by then. I could only recall seeing my test results scoring nothing more that an F, so I try to feel at least bit worry but honestly I'm just too tired to care. Lunch was a painful, with thousands student queuing up at every store makes it so hard to even think about the food.

I guess I'm just sleepy thats all.

So after lunch had practical lesson where everything always go on smoothly, after which downed another mug of warm milk to ease my hunger at the nearest foodcourt. When suddenly my phone rang and I received a message by my beloved Pastor. Seems like I have unknowingly gotten myself into some kind of trouble again.

So I entered the lecture hall where my friends kept teasing me with this other girl from other class, and I found myself to be another eye candy for this group of girls. Total count of her looking at me today? :30+? as told by PingHwee. Honestly I feel flattered even though I think I looked like a Zombie today, someone actually look forward to seeing me in every lecture. Whoever she is? Chuan gave her a Nickname: Ayumi because she had this golden hair and looked like Japanese? I suppose? But to me, she look nothing like Ayumi. Just know that she is from the dance club, So nice going there. Teasing from my friends again. -_-"

So after lecture, had fellowship with Pastor, Chuan and Chester. It's some kinda "who wants to be a Millionaire" and I was the host thus I have to prepare questions for the evening. It was fun and do you know that the King of hearts is the only king that has no moustache? Something like that, It was fun and Chuan lost hands down partly due to the fact that he always gets super hard questions. SO yeah, tough luck there. (:

Then after that talked to Pastor a little, was bit pissed at first but I soon understand the situation and yeah, it suck. So I just hope that things would be simpler and yeah, less complicated. Felt really bad though for what happened...

"Sorry, Silly!"

Then off to accompany Chuan to have his hair cut, which looks super cool and really style-able. For his brother's wedding this coming sunday though. Then off to Peninsula to look for his bag and then had dinner together. We talked a little bit and I'm just thankful for a friend like him and he said something that I can really relate to:

"Sometimes I just feel that there are a lot of things I wanna do but I just can't seems to hold on to any one of them"

Seriously this is what I'm feeling deep inside, felt like my world is slowly falling apart and I just can't seems to hold on to any one of them. But secretly I wish that it would fall apart when I'm asleep. And I know, as much as I wanted to the ball is just not in my court, So I'm just looking at it from afar.

Life's great, but who am I trying to convince?

My hundred words entry is gone! Blogger Hanged, Sigh~ Oh well, Whatever. Nevermind. Guess it's not meant to be view then. Grrr!

Okay, Ladies and gentlemen let me introduce to you, Monster Mok! My Class Tutor! He's english is "veri powderful"
And he was being an grumpy old man today! He went in to the class room telling us why he wears that youthful backpack of his. Tsk tsk! One word! : Walking sleeping pills. (: Nice guy though!


Did something last night that I wasn't particularly proud of. Sigh~ Its so hard!! Worst than Engineering Maths 2! I can't seems to find the formulae to that issue. I think even words can't save me from drowning now. Whatever floats your boat, I'm glad to do. But I can't talk my way out of this one for sure. I can't talk to save my life.

"Sally Owns Ricky Roller Yonder's, Bags Bean!"

Dear Lord, I need a miracle. I have deadlines to meet by wednesday evening.

4:photo shoot
5:Articles
1:Report on why the chief Editor are behind schedule!

So I'll be seeing my photographer for the rest of the week! Thank God for her, though she had submission and all she still agree to help me out Thanks girl!

Stress stress! And I have never feel more alive than before!! (:

So yup! Gonna Cheong my Backpacking project, Articles, Photo shoot and school work and complain letter! Whoo!

Ah wells~ I'm just thankful for all the things that will be filling my mind for now...

"I hope we share the same sentiment"




"The workadays were propping the bar quietly erasing the week and,
I was in a corner booth thinking, (Pretending to read.)
About the impossibility of one to love unconditionally,
And the words that drive into the ground.
Their repetition starts to thin their meaning.

Then everything got frighteningly still,
As they entered and intersected the floor,
And I tried to choke my stare at the perfection that others would kill for.
But all of the parts are the same on every face. (Few variables change.)

The differences pale when compared to the similarities they share.
Finally there is clarity and there is purpose after all,
But every night ends the same as I'm collapsing once more by your side.
Finally there is clarity: This tiny life is making sense,
And every drop numbs the both of us, but I alone am staggering."

Dear Mr Screwtape A.k.a "Satan",
Is this how you play the game? You put in me in a situation that I am suppose to believe that good will happen when seemingly I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Is this how I always fall? You put thoughts in my head telling me that I'm not worth anything and that taking faith is a foreign task so now I am misunderstood again, I try to change or to be strong but I guess I'm not patience enough therefore giving you a chance to cause me to jump into any conclusion thus assuming the worst.

I think its sad because I guess somehow deep down I, too want to be appreciated and recognize by someone important to me, but you saw that weakness in me and told me that I have been forgotten so I embarked on a journey to put on a strong front and promise I will not feel any regret. But turns out I was wrong again. I should have waited for a day or two?

So dear Screwtape, thanks for making me look like a fool again and honestly speaking I wasn't on the winning end from the very start so, it's really okay.

So, Dear Lord. Grant me the strength to withstand any temptation and the faith to look further and to see the bigger picture. You know how your son, I am like. If the issue don't even mean anything he will not even give a slightest attention to it, So if that should separate me from being strong and hopeful again I guess I don't think its accurate because given that situation only faith can keep the hope alive. . . And I happen to have little faith. But I'm still learning. So Lord, this is Joshua. Really need that strength from you. Amen.

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost?
I've just had the craziest week,
Like a party bag of lies, booze and then deceit.
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud,
It's therapeutic somehow.

So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me.

I put one foot forward and ended up thirty yards back.
And am I losing touch or am I just completely off the track?
And I don't know why I want to voice this out loud,
It's therapeutic somehow.

So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me.

So I'm moving to New York cos I've got problems with my sleep,
And we're not the same and I will wear that on my sleeve.
So I'm moving to New York cos I've got issues with my sleep,
Looks like Christmas came early, Christmas came early for me

I was lost for words for a few days, and finally everything seems clear to me. I guess God really have his way to convince me. But just wanna thank him for all the answered prayers. And i guess I'm just happy that some just turn out to be happier with my answered prayer. It's funny, I don't know? Though nothing really came back after despite all my effort? All I got was a 4 words sms and the rest got a whole entry post up just for them. I don't know, honestly I can't feel my emotions anymore. God really has a sense of humor, It made me crash so hard that I can't even feel my feet anymore. All I need now is to stop coughing and really rethink my self-worth in this whole issue. Of course I made a bet with God and I lost hands down. Thinking about it just makes it all worth it as God knows whats best and to cause me to lose will mean that I should just listen to him. Well, I shan't rant so much about my own stuff here, It's depressing enough. Kill that Emo jack and welcome back Mighty Joe,

All I can say is that I'm really in a state of an rapid hope lost...

And It really makes me wonder why do I even try so hard...?

Today is a brand new start of everything, I'm feeling okay and hopeful.

"I'll remember everything you said" *Smile*

Monday's blue, I woke up at 6:30AM only to find my presentation shirt and pants are drench by the predawn rain, ): So I fumble and tumble trying so hard to Iron off the wetness, by the time I was done my 8AM lecture is already over, and the shirt smells funny so I didn't not even had a chance to wear it. So yeah, What a monday!

Don't know why I'm so stone today, I guess it's because I had a lot of work yet to be done. My magazine articles, tutorials and maths quiz tomorrow. I don't know, time just kinda stop for me? But the people in it are still moving forward, moving on. When presentation started it rained and the room was below 10 degrees celsius, At least it felt that way. My friends all did pretty well compared to the first time I saw them. And I didn't rehears my slides again. Just feel really restless.

I don't know why, I use to be someone who can just have one emotion throughout the whole year but now I just find myself keep going on the emotional roller-coaster. I use to be able to cheer my friends up effortlessly? Now they are kinda just being cheered up by some obscene joke and to be honest I'm very worry about them? Things are moving so fast and even Kk is getting more and more naughty. I don't know? I know I'm no one to teach them but I feel that when I was okay at least they had someone to tell them about the very implications of those jokes? Or maybe I'm proud? to expect so much out of myself, I just feel responsible.

I guess I have to get on with my work now? Feel really bored and lonely all of the sudden. Nothing happen to me if you are wondering, just some dreams that kept me awake even thought I should be sleeping.

Wake up really late today, felt as though I had the weirdest dream in a while. It's a really nice dream but I hate the idea of it because somehow deep in my mind I know that could never happen in real life so I just smile to myself about the content and moved on as it wasn't real.

Had dinner with my parents and chance upon this ex-tab who use to take care of me and my siblings when we were really young, saw that look in his eyes when he saw me. Must have been a major change in size and features.

And just hours before dinner I opened an email all thanks to Mr Chuan! HE SENT THIS EMAIL REGARDING AN CAR ACCIDENT, AND THERE WERE CORPES, THIS LADY WHOS HEAD GOT CHOPPED OFF! THANKS MAN! YOU KNOW I HAVE NECROPHOBIA AND NOW I AM PETRIFIED!

The thought of it is enough to scare away from my dinner. Sends a shivers down my spine!!

SO now I drive very very very SLOWLY because I am so damn afraid that it might happen! ): Sheesh!

So I roam around town today with my bro, he bought a shoe from everlast and I went to check out my fans and manage to brought one home because my dad asked me to. I brought hair dye, hair wax, haha! RETAIL TEREPY!

Anyway I was suppose to hang out and around with someone special? My grandma? She thought I wasn't free so she went for her own plans with other people, Sigh~ I miss my granny! She is always so near yet so far! You know sometimes? Old people like that one la. tsk tsk! tsk! Maybe some time soon.

Anyway, my dad revamp the whole house? Now it looks like crap! damn messy! But I can see more walking space now. Hahaha!

So yeah, This is sunday and its not too bad. Considering all those bad judgement on character over the years. I guess I'm not that bad after all!

To Nessa: Cheer Up! I don't have to say much because you are still so young! (: Your smile is your asset! and I will get a LIFE! for sure! Sheesh, She actually said that I have no life!! ah wells!

So Yup! Nothing much, Don't wanna think too much about what's beyond my control. I have flaws too but some choose to look on the better side of me? Some just can't get over every single flaws of mine. So It's not my fault anymore, I have change and its a shame that some just can see that, Sigh~ I just want to wait and see.. If something better will come around.

Goodnightt, Goodnightt!

I'm thankful for my saturday, I have to say. Though I had a rough week again, I guess something to thank God for is that I'm still alive and kicking,

Went to school at 9AM today to study with Yong and Chuan, It was fun fun because I told them what happened to me with that girl I had dinner with last night, Chuan was so pissed as he recalls someone of the same kind few years ago. We rant and rant throughout breakfast, Then It's off to study.

Had a talk with two other good friends and I learned a truth or two about my situation. So I guess I know what to do already, don't think they read my blog? But thanks to them girls, really appreciate it a whole load. . . (:

So went rock climbing after that, climb till my palms all blister and bubbles. But really enjoyed my time with the guys, though a lot of time some song played on the rock gym will remind me of some things which cause me to be breathless and spaced out. But they keep giving me route which keeps my mind off things. Thanks, I know they did it intentionally because they can see that I was thinking of something, (:

After service we went to Vivo for Dinner, had this Wan Ton Noodles which is nice and the wanton were juicy. So the food is not bad. After that we went to giant to buy drinks which we had a hard time choosing what to drink so I just take water. :X

After we get our drink I suggest we head up to the roof the chill out, Junwei wanted air-con which is a good idea by the way, So we hang at outside Sentosa Express.

So I took out Edmund's guitar and Eugene Chan put the guitar bag in front of me making me look as though I was busking! And I just sing and jump around like a monkey, I serious had fun with myself? Many people was looking at me, but I can't see them! I didn't wear my specs so I don't really care! Hahahhahah! I was jumping and singing so hard, the guys all laugh and though I was crazy or what?!

After the craziness I sent Huiru and Aik Choo! home. Thats all for my day, and I'm thankful to God for all the nice feelings I had and seriously the girls were damn sweet la, They know I had gastric pains and they went to buy gastric pills for me in case I have another pain. Thank You!! Namely Jialin and AikChoo. Kudos for you two!! And After seeing me cough so much AIkchoo is gonna buy me cough syrup! Feel so pampered la! haha! Like got personal doctor. :P :P :P

Anyway, I try my best to feel okay? Though it's pretty much in a flux still, But I know, there's nothing much I could do also. So yeah, I really don't know if tomorrow I will still be as fine as I am as today, but I just hope that everything will turn out fine soon.


My Gastric Pills!!

Just when I thought my life was getting better, seriously it's just as fuck up as usual!
I went out for dinner with this volleyball junior of mine and turns out throughout the whole freaking dinner she is trying to get me to join her MLM company? I mean seriously man, can't I have any proper dinner nowadays? I'm already jaded from all my shit, can't anyone just be real? Fuck man, honestly I am so damn pissed.

Why is everyone so damn fulfilled with their lives and I'm like the only one left behind. I might be ranting now, but honestly. I cook, I play music, I have tons of friends, I have so many things to look forward to but why? why is it that my soul is gone from me?

I prayed hard everyday, I even resort to crying in my sleep and dreaming about death. I was looking out from the 8th floor from my school block, frankly I wanted to just blast my MP3 and dive down and seriously my pain will be gone. The best part of me is gone, I am struggling to sleep every night, I wake up only to find myself never really slept at all. I was gonna end it all then my friends came up and told me jokingly "josh, don't jump la."

Heh! I just smile and walk away. . . I never thought it would hurt this much? I never thought It would be this way? SIgh...

I just have to rant it all out, I have been here before too many times. . . I don't need anyone right now, I just need God.

Dear God, I know one month ago you have spoke to me. If you have a solution to all my shenanigans please talk to me again. You have not once spoke to me since then... this is the darkest time of my life, and I know it's not getting any better. . .



This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
All the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone,
I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine,
I slur a plea for you to come home.
But I know it's too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay; given you a reason to stay;
given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years

Finally I admit defeat, I think that is what she wants. I'm always bad at refusing so though it was sad to end up this way, everytime. I mustn't regret, I know it's gonna be hard but hey, I have pulled through for 5 months. With the emotional torture I've suffered I guess I must have worth less than a dime. But oh well, character change. Goals change, sometimes it's hard to believe but two years of bliss is nothing compare to a few months of whatever you call it? I was build up and then torn apart again, I just see the old me inside that mirror now. I cannot forget, refuse to regret but I know this is just life. You just smile and move along like you should. Thanks for all the sweet memories, I could not thank God more for you.

"by now you should know, me well. I'm already pretending. Facade."

Goodbye.



And everybody calls it love
But Im not really sure if this is love
At all
Not anymore...

Dear Diary, What is wrong with me again? Why can't I be myself anymore?

I feel so down, so down. My mood is in a state of a flux.

I'm breaking under pressure!

Let it go, Josh. Let it go...

God, listen to me? I am that which you love. But. . . what if?

Thousands and one thoughts racing through my mind.

Was caught up with some issue at home, so I pick up my car keys and take a drive to anywhere?
Ended up at east coast park, The moon was shining and the wave's strong. It was 4am in the morning, But I feel fine. I know that someone out there is watching over me.

I hope everything turns out okay for everyone, It has been the darkest year in my whole life. . .

I guess you might never know how things are gonna turn out. A little faith is what keeps me going. I'm not letting go of that faith.

Finally, It's been too long. Too long to remember why I feel this way. I guess nothing could replace the deep sense of emptiness only for me to fill this half filled cup all over again once more.

The world is safe today, :P I like to think it that way when I'm not feeling down, the world is secure today, quiet and my sorrows has not been more vague before. I don't really know what I was fighting for. . .

I have to say one week without Nessa, is quite down. She is like the Joshua when he was still 15. (: Cannot have dinner last sat but well, shall see how this week. Thank you Silly, if you are reading this. You cheer me up! Thank God for you! (:

And Today was a fateful day, I know that something's wrong with my body? I think?? I coughed blood in my showers, and its like bloody messy, I didn't tell my family members. Because they might be worried or what? Wait till something really happen first. and in the mean time I keep my fingers crossed.

School is not bad today, and I try to recover? Because It sucks being sick. Life is like a 3 PLY tissue. You cannot just use one ply to clear you mucus you need all 3 to be effective. Hahah! Use too much tissue this month. *Cough Cough*

My chest hurts abit when I breath.

Just came back from a sushi buffet with the church guys? It was damn hilarious? Ever got drunk with food? Like you get damn full and you are trying not to laugh too hard? And you just can't help it because the simple effort of preventing is just hilarious enough for your stomach to hurt and you just can't stop. I was the comedian of the time. Hahaha! I'm glad those guys enjoyed my jokes. Haha! It was great fun! Thanks Edmund! Don't know why? But he treats me damn nice. Thank God for him.

And I am going to do my homework now?? I believe it's called tutorial! Hahah! OFF YOU GO THEN!

The build-up lasted for days
Lasted for weeks
Lasted too long

Our hero withdrew
When there was two
He could not choose one
So there was none

Worn into the vaguely announced
Worn into the vaguely announced

The spinning top made a sound like a train across the valley
Fading, oh so quiet, but constant 'til it passed
Over the ridge into the distances, written on your ticket

To remind you where to stop
And when to get off...

Once again, I was awaken by a deep sense of emptiness. I felt the pain in my head and I need aspirin.

I'm a fool

Labels: N

I guess nobody really knows what kind of emptiness we face every time we wake from our sleep?

I am Joshua's totally lack of motivation.

It is 2 hours before school and we're already awake, I wish I could have slept more but he just can't bring himself to sleep any further. It seems like Joshua is always killing his sleeping time thinking that all that time could be use to accomplish something.

Lunch has never look so appealing to me before because Josh just stopped eating all together, but still after we sat down his feet will somehow mis-function and yeah in a blink of an eye lunch/dinner time is over and if I'm lucky enough instant noodles is a blessing.

I am Joshua's inflamed sense of rejection.

Saw him talking on the phone last night and seems like it that nothing he can say was right, followed by the usual screams and the awkward moments of silence between the one on the other line. He seems to be in distraught and no one was there for him, not even God. It was as though God wanted him to learn something through his silence.

His phone rang in the middle of the night and I took a peek at it and it seems to me that I have seen those words somewhere, somehow two years ago. If I'm not wrong it was the part that says "we're better off as friends" and ended with a smile. I suppose they don't really know how those words could break his world apart and by morning he was already gone. I can't seems to find him though he is physically here.

I am Joshua's broken heart


I am Joshua's complete lack of surprise

I am Joshua's wasted life

It seems like he is waiting for something important to happen? Waiting for his phone to ring. Nothing can move him the way they all did before. Days are just not the same. . .

I am Joshua, the man who can be move...



And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait and I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more and I'm waiting for you

With or without you
With or without you
Ah ha
I can't live with or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised
She's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
Oh
I can't live with or without you

Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh

Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh

Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh

Oh
Oh

With or without you
With or without you
Oh
I can't live with or without you
With or without you

Ooh
Ooh

"why?, baby. why?

Today was a GOOD day for me, thank God so much!

I went shopping early in the morning at 10am with Chuan, Yong. Ate Brunch and then head for my Crumpler! I bought this 187bucks sling bag, "Complete seed" size.

In case you are wondering if you just saw wrongly? $187bucks? Joshua? No! Its true! Well, of course, I am not so rich to buy but I did it with the help of some gift voucher I get from my department from my last holiday job! SO!! yeah! I paid less than a hundred, not 99 or what but manageable amount. (; Thank God.

Yong, with all his wisdom came out with a theory, let me re-illustrate it: Life is like a long bus ride, at the start of the journey there are bound to be passenger on it with you, along the way some alight and new ones hop along. Some grabbed your attention, some took a part of you with them when they leave. But the bus will never reverse or stop moving, except for picking up new passengers. The destination ahead is bright and hopeful,

God didn't promise a bus ride with no bumps, loud passengers, smelly aunties, or hairy uncles. But he did promise to be there always to cheer us up like that TV mobile thing, that plays something interesting when the rides get tough. For that I am thankful. . .

Thanks Yong, I hope you can comprehend what I just typed. Thanks for your theory again! St Juik Yong's Theorem.

OH oh! I bought shades too!! and a Shirt that was hanging with the rest of the $20 dollars ones? Only till I paid then I turns out to be $29.90!! But its nice? and Suit me reall well! So yeah! Cool!

Service was quite okay, kept looking around? Maybe I was sub-consciously waiting for someone? I don't know, I just can't sit still? (: I guess its okay, Then Jan and Jevon did Drama. A play kinda. And Pastor preach about God's faithfulness and how his friend attempted multiple suicide and God sustain him by "bursting" his noose? Stopping blood at 10secs time? and killer 7cups of Detergent and not a single sign of chronic diarrhea. Wow, the world is crazy man, was thinking along the line of that detergent part when my world crumple? Last 2 months? The thought of those great smelling detergent makes me wanna try them. Hahaha! But yeah, Life was great and I can't bear to risk it. SO Yup, I'm glad God came for him and me.

Went dinner with the youths? Again, I led them out of church just when Pastor is coming down. He is very sad because we left once he is done with his stuff and no one is there to eat with him. Sorry, Its hard to get them all to eat in la.

I sat with the girls, and talked like crazy! hahah! I feel so girly, Ruth was really loud and all? My hear drums were ringing! And we listened to Jia wei ranting about some primary school romance and Aik choo's obsession with dark man wearing white tees, Hahaha! Thats me? I thanked her for liking me, haah!! Kiddingly of course.

it was not bad? I guess. Life can be great! But I just have to open my eyes to see the Good in it,

So tomorrow, somebody date me to a church Fair at my mom's shop area! hahaha! Kidding, but yeah. Really looking forward to my first ever eventful sunday morning in months!! None other than the ever crazy Miss Vanessa Yong, Haha! She said its a friend friend date. More like uncle and Xiao mei mei. ahahaha!! So yeah, its gonna be fun! Yup!

Goodnightt!