I have been here before a dozen times today, and I realized that something's wrong with me, but I'm just so lost for words... ):

First up just got out from a heated "discussion" between my beloved Dad and Mom? you know, the same issues different day that is. I was just walking along the town today and I chance upon this Advertisement by a certain bank, It says "Cash, Joy, Dreams" well, I suppose money could buy a certain security but how does Joy comes into place? Though two big kids are screaming in front of me but I still can feel their love for each other... Just some planning and trust from each other I reckon.

I don't know why, suddenly an extreme sense of loneliness dawn upon me. My day was like a music that has no sound and a picture that has no color... I have words but I fear to speak up, It's so tiring... I really wanted to just rest this tired head of mine but the pillows keep floating away from me. Really, sometimes I wonder if its better to head for the easy way out because you either break the silence and risk letting someone down or you bury the very feelings you keep. I thought about it for the whole day, its been so hard to ignore how I feel but I have decided to just bury it and wait, I guess? Patience is just as bad as letting go.

Too Young - Pheonix

I can't lie on my bed without thinking I was wrong
But when that feeling calls this world becomes another
Nighttime won't hold me in your arms again
I got a very good friend who says he can't believe the love I give
Is not enough to end your fears...


Anyway, It's just so much craziness all around me but it seems like there's nothing I can do about it. I have so much fear in everything, so much that the very thought of another chance seems so impossible for me. Its as if the more I try, the less I understand. I imagine staring at my phone for hours, sitting with my guitar for days, and holding on to your words for months, will that make a difference? Will that change anything? Or should I just wait... I have to I suppose, Sigh...

I am not disappointed or anything or neither am I complaining, I'm looking for somewhere to rant all this out, and sadly it has to be this bright shining laptop of mine tonight...

Goodnightt, Goodnightt...

Twice as much, ain't twice as good...



Gravity - John Mayer

Gravity, is working against me
And gravity, wants to bring me down
Oh, I've never known what makes this man
With all the love that his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away

Whoa, gravity is working against me
And gravity, it wants to bring me down
Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

Oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
And can't sustain like one half could
Its wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees

Whoa gravity, stay the hell away from me
Whoa gravity, has taken better man than me
Now how can that be
Just keep me where the light is
Just keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is
C'mon keep me where the light is