I have been staring into the LCDs of my Fujitsu only to find no words coming out from my seemingly genius looking fingers.

I'm staring at my interestingly cutesy yellow handphone pouch. and Its making me smile.

So I frolic about in my board shorts and watched the first part of "Twilight", really amazed me how Bella could accept Edward even though he was rude to her. I kept thinking about the impossibility of someone accepting that part of anyone even though their core intentions maybe harmless and just pure concerns for the one they love with simple problems to express themselves? Maybe myself had that problem?(don't get me wrong, I'm not fantasizing the possibilities of being a Vampire.) Or maybe I just don't understand the rejections I faced because I wasn't expressing myself very well. But yeah a part of me said, it's just a show? but I thought without certain truth and self-experience the script or even the very idea of Bella's "unconditional" love wouldn't have exist in the first place.

So yup, as I'm stepping out from the scope I begin to see clearer and I think it's really depressing. Hmm... I need someone who accepts me for who I am deep inside.

I kept thinking about what happened today, and it's making me stall. I can't concentrate.


I kept having the thought of something good is going to happen to me this week or Month but it's just dangerous thinking. I just don't think so anymore. It's not going to happen, at least I won't allow it. Though I know "better days" are ahead but just not the "Something Good" that I was talking about here. I know myself darn well, I just don't wish to fall again.

Honestly, I don't really know what I'm talking about. Thoughts just fill my head and the fingers just wouldn't stop. But seriously sometimes ain't we this way too? Just as confuse and clueless or downright contradicting like myself now?

But one thing I do know is that, I need to let my wound heal and cut myself some slack. It's like the harder I fight, the wounds just gets deeper and more hurtful every time. I am jaded. Hmm... or maybe it's just me.

"there's a small card with words of empty promises resting on the dashboard of my car like it use to, it looked broken and torn, meaningless. So I threw it out of the window as I was driving down the highway but the gust blew it backwards into the very hands of mine. It really make me wonder. . . it really did."



Dear Joshua,

Spring blooms and you'll find a love that's true,
But you don't know what now to do,
Cause the chase is all you know,
And she stopped running months ago...


Just something my junior wrote to me, a part of a song by DCFC. (: