Just when I thought my life was getting better, seriously it's just as fuck up as usual!
I went out for dinner with this volleyball junior of mine and turns out throughout the whole freaking dinner she is trying to get me to join her MLM company? I mean seriously man, can't I have any proper dinner nowadays? I'm already jaded from all my shit, can't anyone just be real? Fuck man, honestly I am so damn pissed.

Why is everyone so damn fulfilled with their lives and I'm like the only one left behind. I might be ranting now, but honestly. I cook, I play music, I have tons of friends, I have so many things to look forward to but why? why is it that my soul is gone from me?

I prayed hard everyday, I even resort to crying in my sleep and dreaming about death. I was looking out from the 8th floor from my school block, frankly I wanted to just blast my MP3 and dive down and seriously my pain will be gone. The best part of me is gone, I am struggling to sleep every night, I wake up only to find myself never really slept at all. I was gonna end it all then my friends came up and told me jokingly "josh, don't jump la."

Heh! I just smile and walk away. . . I never thought it would hurt this much? I never thought It would be this way? SIgh...

I just have to rant it all out, I have been here before too many times. . . I don't need anyone right now, I just need God.

Dear God, I know one month ago you have spoke to me. If you have a solution to all my shenanigans please talk to me again. You have not once spoke to me since then... this is the darkest time of my life, and I know it's not getting any better. . .



This is fact not fiction for the first time in years
All the girls in every girlie magazine can't make me feel any less alone,
I'm reaching for the phone to call at 7:03 and on your machine,
I slur a plea for you to come home.
But I know it's too late, and I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay; given you a reason to stay;
given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction for the first time in years