I'm Sleepless tonight, its six in the morning and I'm still wide awake. There's a yearning in my soul for a certain outcome of what seems to be an frightening episode of my life. I guess I was never ready to take on any truth, because I was always predicting the result of every event in my life and now turn around the event was predicting me. I'm afraid that if things do not turn out the way I hoped for my life will not be the same again. I have always been ignorant of every possible mistakes in events of my life. I've always question the very insecurity of men and woman, asking if there's a need to be so glum and pathetic in the face of some problems. But now I see their point.

To my problems I've always rate them in ranks, if it was three stars and below there is really no cause for worries. But if I have so much to say and no one to digest it to and the only thing that ever make sense to me, I'm in no place stop myself from losing it. I'm hopeful but jaded, I can't helped it. If I burst this chance again I will never get another one again. This is a worry that worth a place in the five star.

I can't sleep tonight, though everything is fine but the longing is insatiable and my fear is constant. They said, confidence is who you are. why is there even doubt? But who knows what might happen when the only thing you need is the chances you ever blew.

I am suppose to be stronger, but I can't get my feet up and just walk. I hate to turn every opportunity into a complain because of my own insecurities. I have to be stronger Josh. But just how? when things are not the same and I haven't felt this lost since years. I think it is safe to ask what should I do in the very time like this?

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying - "Lucky" by Jason Mraz

My eyes are tired, and like how mark hoppus once singed.




I Miss you. . .
miss you.