Dear diary... what is wrong with me?! Yesterday i worked and as usual i struggle to enjoy my shift, I freaking topple a pizza. sigh~! then everyone is like still sore over that incident, damn!

Everytime i step into work wondering where i stand and i feel like a loser who is always screwing up. Rivi commented that i'm someone who will 'always'(sarcastically) take care of myself, well she meant i worked like shit and i'm still eating my stuff meal like nothing happen. Isn't it crap?! people out there making decisions about you, they do not know how much you meant to some other people or what are your full potentials are, so if you're crap at something they just presume you're crap at anything else in your life... i'm not saying it as in it's me but you know? thats how they made me feel.

I screwed up!

However these are the isssue i can't control in my life so i dont think i'll give a shit bout' it, You can always change the way things are but you can never change the way they(people) feel.

well it has been a emotional week for my family. My Uncle passed away last sunday, it's sad to see the living cryin out for the dead? My mom is real sad bout' it she cried on that day they cremated him. I myself find it hard to believe that someone who was walking on this earth is gonna end up in that furnace or under those soil, sigh~ i guess thats life. one word: SHORT
Well i guess someday i'll die too? But I'm gonna make a mark on this planet before i leave for total Nirvana. =]

Here's a Cute dude:


Dear Lord,
I surrender to you fully again. I'm so tired of fighting a war i dont understand. I feel alone althought i have friends around me. Lord please make me whole again and like a child i trust myself into thy hands. I feel like a man who knows not enough and decide where ever i want to go without even giving much attention to any warning sign, I feel like i've lost the ability to pray that's why i'm writing it on this shit. =)
Dear father in heaven let your grace be upon your son this day, thank you lord.
Amen.

I'm currently in a room full of people i feel like a roti-prata because i'm on Daniel's bed and he and Sylvy is sitting on the bed too... argh~ I feel cramp.
We got James, Junwei, Richard and Stacy here... playing majong. Great.

...
I don't know whats with me week, just feel really impatient and weird. rush of blood to the head i guess.
I think it's ever since what happen between me and that Girl. I guess i'll never be the same.
To be honest i'm kindda of afraid of liking anyone now, is this the end of my stupid life? kind of think of it I was never popular with any girl no eugene and anyone who find this insulting i am not joking, looking at the way my friends talking to girls like so easy for me I find it hard because... because i dont know? I dont really gives a shit or maybe i'm just tired talking to a non-marsian. All the girl that i'm interested are all attach? or left me for other guys? Dang! it's a curse i'm begining to think i'm weird, so peculiar especially in a room with them now...they are like young adult who actually go to work and have a life or another to take care of...

Funny thing is I wanna feel loser and miserable and stuff bout' my life but i just dont know how? trust me i dont look okay i'm sure my friends can tell but i cant help but smile at people who actually cared for me, something i wish i could tell everyone my problems but thats just not right. problems like these are meant to be kept to oneself i always believe.

haha. now Daniel and Richard are choosing people to send home. thats just great! Good bye.

Damn... I'm sad. let me tell you a story of a sad sad man.

Ian is one step away to fall in love with caroline but one fine day a guy named Tom called Ian and tell him he is Caroline Boyfriend. Ian felt so cheated. The End. :)

Great! Ian is an complete fool! caroline didnt even say she liked him la.

Sigh' okay...

Tears and Rain

I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See a liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I'd screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Tears and rain
Far, Far away;find comfort in pain
All pleasures the same: it just keeps me from trouble
Its more than just words; its just tears and rain

Well its not really like what this satanic song says... it just sounds sad thats all.

Great finally get myself blogging at last. Ok got to get my thoughts stright because i'm really tired now...
Ok, yesterday i was suppose to go to Haffiz gig but the etry was 18bucks so after much discussing we decide to hang out at Eski-Bar instead. Felt kindda bad for not going? but i guess the band got my support, always.

When we reach there the place itself was minus 2 degree celsius great place to literally 'Chill out'
but they wanted to smoke so we ended up in the smoking room which is 12 degree celsius... I guess the reason why we ain't suppose to smoke in that 2 degree room is because the cig might not even light in the first place... hah!

We talk bout' anything I started talk bout' all the guys I hate, all the girls I hate, all the things i hate and how I'll never be anything I Hate. ( sounds like a song?) Damn right its a song but thats what i did.... ha!
Kind of think of it my life's just great but sometime things ain't perfect I begin to ask Faz lots of questions bout' how things works, girls and stuff but it all leads to one word: Wait? I dont know she said that my time is just not reach yet she said that i shouldn't worry bout' such stuff, Sigh' I guess she's got a point but come to think of it I dont realli give a shit bout' B-G-R.
You know? BurGeR? Yup'

One week ago I was wondering if I will ever make it if the Girl i like is richer then me but I should indeed focus on what I can give instead of what I can't... it's crazy you know? my house's in a mess and things between my parents ain't quite right recently. One Word: Money. I guess money can't buy happiness but at least store some peace in the family dont you think so?! well i guess its just as important as whatever is as important as? haha! crapo!

Recently I came across this article it says 'Nice guys don't scores with girls'
Psyco! those girls are weird man! I mean whats so nice bout' a guy who whips you around?? I just dont get it? But i'll never change just for the sake of scoring with girls... they are crazy girls anyway... I'll just be Nice...But not boring. Good Day.