I rushed home, just to find that there was nothing there for me anymore...

If only they could see, they would understand...

It was 25th of october, it was the start of something great in your life! Woke up for work at 5AM, was jolt awake by the constant need to start something meaning in my life? Work was at 6.15AM. It was totally slack at first and what I did not anticipate was that this is soon gonna be one of the worst shift I will remember for a long long time. Just an hour before my shift ends the crowd came in and it was really beyond me to handle. Honestly, I couldn't handled it. Three cashier and Just me alone handling the Cold and bar drinks. Orders kept piling up before me and for a moment I couldn't see what was before me, It was like a whiteout? HAHA! It was really tiring and there was this old little fat "female dog" who was being a douche bag! Shall not elaborate what she did! But all in all it was hectic like mad?

I kinda miss my little Witch but knowing she's well on her way to freedom makes me feel kinda glad that I'm really busy too, at least she's not struggling alone? Anyway I'm going for class soon, Hope my friend's won't be an ass because I've marked out some drinks for them. HAHA! Damn, today's busy!

Today is 26th of October, the first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was that in one months time I'll be another year old, and well they always say that time flies when you're having a good time?? But what they didn't tell you is that time flies when you're too busy fending off problems in your life, You kinda lose track of time and soon you find yourself one shy away from being jaded.

Anyway, today was better, manage to talk to my dear Cindy about what happen yesterday, she said she'd sort everything out for me. And that yesterday's bad attitude was all because of the anxiety brought forth by the busy/crazy crowd.

It's 10mins to class and like what Chris Martin always say: "I'm missing my baby"

Honestly, sometimes I wonder what brings two people of different interest, background and life together.? It's times like these that I am reminded of the special bond we both share, like it or not rain of shine it's here and it's here to last, Doesn't that scares you, No? HAHA! :P

Sometimes I like to imagine, make things up a little? I suppose that's how I get through all my problems thus far, It's not a form of denial! It's just another way way of coping with the constant pressure that life sets on you, Yup.

HAHA! Cindy just smiled at me, I shall forget what she did to me yesterday! :D

I'll Miss you, I definitely will!

Signing off,

Love always, Joshua!

Sometimes once we got hold of something precious we kinda take things for granted. It may be a mere neglecting of the other party or just simple issues like keeping each in each other's life. I must say, I have failed badly. I guess I got carried away by all the problems in my life, the worst time of my life is here and all I can see is how huge the problem ahead lies and I forgot to appreciate the best things in my life which in You. I am sorry, I truly am... I've learnt so much from you but I need some time to figure this whole life out, It seems that problems will always somehow find it's way to me... When money wasn't THE issue, I seems to be less uptight, but these days it's hard to hold on because of all the waves that had been crashing my shore.

My strength was like a rock on the sandy shore, when I first came to you I was that rock that you could count on but now waves after waves of sadness and disappointment, that rock has become mere sand blending in with the shore. I'm at ground bottom of my life and I cannot lose you, I simply cannot... You're the reason I am trying so hard to carry on and move to a better place of my life. I see the connection between being okay and being the best that you can have and I must say, it's just a very bad time for me; maybe I need you, maybe all I need is security.

I grew up from a life that things were here today doesn't mean they'll be there tomorrow, uncertainty every single turn in my life and when I found you, finally a normal life and you can see why I can never lose someone so precious as you... I am sorry, and If I can turn back time, I would, If I could undo the things I do, I would, I definitely would but now it's too late and I can only move on to see if things will get better tomorrow.

But right now it seems to me that there is not much to say anymore, I just have to slow down and try to work my way out of this life...

I hope you'd still be there when I'm done fighting...

Love always, Joshua.



The End of an Anchor

I was away for a while
But I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me
But I don't deserve it

I'll cherish it well if you give me
One of your new starts
Just one more last chance
I swear that I'll earn it
If you front me for now

I'm good for it I swear
I'm better now I swear

In earlier days
They'd persecute people
They'd carry them off
And hobble their legs
For lesser offences
Than how I have harmed you
But still you allow me
To walk free of pain
Though I punish myself
I will never settle
The debts I've incurred
For scorning the face
Of absolute beauty
And measureless grace
And though I once mocked you
I'm dying to pay for it now.
I'm dying to pay for it now.

So hand me the rocks
To help weigh me down
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound to the
End of an anchor
Thrown in to the sound
And test me to see
If I
Will rise
Against
The worst
That it
Can get.

I wasn't well for a while
I savor the things that I knew
Were sure to destroy me
And that seemed to hold me
That seemed to carry me where I couldn't go
On the strength of my own
But I should've known
That that gets me nowhere
I've learned that now I swear

I earlier days
They'd persecute people
They'd carry them off
And hobble their legs
For lesser offences
Than how I have harmed you
But still you allow me
To walk free of pain
Though I punish myself
I will never settle
The debts I've incurred
For scorning the face
Of absolute beauty
And measureless grace
And though I once mocked you
I'm dying to pay for it now.
I'm dying to pay for it now
Now
Now

So hand me the rocks
To help weigh me down
And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound
To the end of an anchor
Thrown in to the sound
And test me to see
If I
Will rise
Against
The worst
That it
Can get.

Well I wasn't sure that I could
Well I wasn't sure that I could
Well I wasn't sure that I could
But I can.

It's been a long time since I last talk to myself in this small little space? A lot has been happening in my life lately, Its getting kinda old to drag everything out all at once and talk about it.

Anyway, this is a change of blogskin to signify the entrance of a new phase in my life. I'm not sure if everything's gonna be fine but It worked out pretty fine so far. (: So yeah, this is me after so long!

Shall blog about more when I'm less jaded(:

Goodnight, World. You insidious bastard! HAHA!

I don't understand, I still can't fully comprehend.

Is it too much, or just too little. Confused.

Poke a hole, In my logic.

Dear Diary,

Looking at you falling asleep in my arms, I wonder what are you dreaming tonight? Will it be another dreaded adventure that you embark on or will it be a peaceful sleep that you need so much tonight.

I must say, looking at you. Its a adorable sight to see the one that was so active and assertive now being so still and quiet in the midst of her rest just makes me smile so widely I don't wanna be anywhere but here.

Though I'm here and you're some distant away from home, You know that I'll always be around for you, I'll always be around to see you through the dullest days or walk down the line with you one way or another... we'll pull through! So Thank God for you, really.

See the note, Put your finger through the hole and poke a logic in my Curiosity won't you? and I hope your day will be filled with smile belongs to no one but your own! (:

GoodNightt, Crazy world!

Emancipation...